It just felt like a small pop, but I knew what I'd done.  I'd run over Hayden's basketball; the one he uses for practice, the basketball he picks up every day routine-like on the way to the car and lets sail through the air toward the goal in our driveway.

I got out and knew the damage was irreparable.

"That's just about right" I thought to myself as I got out of the car yesterday with a dehydrated, flu infested Hallie.  On the back of a another week of chore juggling, with me having been to the doctor only the day before with bronchitis and sinus infection here we were getting out of the car exhausted and slightly miserable.

With the vision of Hayden's busted basketball I came up with a few more words.

deflated

broken

purposeless

popped

damaged beyond repair

flat

I could keep going.....

In an instant I likened myself to that basketball.  I whined on Facebook last night about the price of steroid shots, antibiotics and other medicines including five prescriptions for Tamiflu, one which was vomited violently by Rylie who had an allergic reaction.

Using humor I complained that Rylie now had the flu too.  And I can tell you now that as of this morning, another one has bit the dust.  Hayden is sick too.

But thank goodness for brighter notes. I received so many encouraging comments and even some texts and phone calls.  One comment, a dear expression often used "this too shall pass" stuck in my mind.  Darn it, she's right.  Pity party over again.

My life and circumstances in no way resemble that destroyed basketball that found its place under my tire. That basketball's purpose has been terminated. for. ever.  It can't be patched up.

The basketball is more like the hundreds of smashed acorns that have left a crumbly mess in my driveway. My life is not comparable.  Your life isn't either.

You may be going through much worse than I'm going through, but your life is not beyond repair either.  Your life isn't over. No matter what's happened, your life isn't without purpose.  Our sole purpose is bringing glory to God.  There may be days that we bring him glory without stepping outside our house or with unkempt hair. 

I have a verse that I quoted every morning for around a year.  I don't know its reference but don't judge me, nearly my entire family is sick and I don't have time to find it now (I'm using the excuse while I can).  Here's the verse.

Wake me in the morning that I might sing for joy

and be glad all my days.

Wake me.

Though it sounds like it, is isn't just a morning verse. Sometimes in the middle of the day or especially in our nights it's as if our spiritual eyes are closed tight, maybe from exhaustion, sorrow or maybe from stubbornness.  I believe "wake me" is the necessary coming to the realization that "I'm not waking up well on my own, a little help please..."

I'm finding in my slump that it's a "snap out of it" verse.  It's an "Open your eyes" verse.  I think the writer is saying I know there is joy around me.  Help me to wake up.  Help me to see it and sing for joy.

This sickness, exhaustion, frustration "will pass".

 It's in my wakeful state that I realize I have every reason to be glad.

 I have more things to be thankful about in any given moment than there are acorn bits in my driveway.

Just to let you know, I have pictures on my phone; ones of medicine lined up along the cabinet, and pictures of garbage sacks, Germ x, and Lysol.  I have more, but I'll stop.  I planned to use them on this post (shameless, I know).

Though deflated, I'm going to rise above my flattened mood.  I'm going to "wake up" asking the Lord to put a new "morning" song of joy in my heart.  I'm going to try to get back into that habit of reciting, and living this verse not just in the morning, but in

 "all of my days".

Praying you'll find yourself singing the same song.

Email me!  kristiburden@gmail.com

 

It's 1:07 AM and I can't sleep.

My head is stuffy, but I don't think that keeps me awake.  I went to sleep at a good time, after telling you goodnight- with you as a fifteen year old for the last time.  I closed my eyes for just a moment and then awoke to look at the clock and it was 12:13.

You're sixteen.

Just like that.

I'd barely dozed off it felt.

I've been awake now for an hour and time is passing much more slowly.  Time passes unaware when you're sleeping. Time passes quickly when you're in a constant rush to do life too.

I'm thankful for this time since 12:13 when time has seemed still; like there's a moment to soak in the present. Thank you God for time to reflect on the beauty of the past.

That's what I'm doing here in the wee hours of the morning.

I'm thinking of how grateful I am to God for you.  I'm flipping through pictures in my mind; some where you're tall and lanky with that head full of hair, and another where you're covered by nothing more than a diaper and brownie batter.

I'm thinking back to those first moments of your birth.  I remember looking at you for the first time, and you at me with your wide-eyes.  It wasn't an introduction; it was more as if we'd known each since the beginning of time. And I remember how when you were just but a few days old, it seemed like life before you was nonexistent.  From the instant you were born your tiny fingers grabbed on to life.  Since then you have held my heart.

I'm thankful for this stillness.   I'm reminded that though we sleep and make haste in life, there are those sweet moments when time has slowed to a crawl....

For it seems you blink and sixteen years have passed.

Gifts wrapped in prayer for an almost sixteen year old

Hunger

Amazement

You

Discernment

Endurance

Nobility

Nobility comes from NO ABILITY of your own.

I say to the LORD,

"You are my LORD;

apart from you I have no good thing."

Psalm 16:2

Anyway, it sounds funny saying "nobility"...  It sounds as if I'm referring to a prince.  I guess I am.  While a guy would never admit to aspirations of becoming a prince, it's this mother's prayer that her son would be noble.

Everybody knows a prince is simply a child of the King. Becoming a prince involves no merit.  BEING a prince is an entirely different story.  Prince Harry of Whales is a great example of this concept. He easily became a prince, but acting like one has proven far more difficult.  Then again, Prince Harry didn't have the best example in a father.

Great princes and great kings come from great fathers.

Hayden, I think you have a pretty good example in a father.  You also have a long line of noble men in your life to follow after.

Learn their story.

 

 

The Bible is full of Kings, namely Josiah, King David and King Solomon whose character is marked not by what they did, but by a love for God, their father.

By salvation you have become a prince, but outstanding character is the true mark of nobility. Outstanding character isn't gained alone. Nobility is not self taught. Jesus, though tempted, is the perfect example as he walked perfectly providing footsteps to direct our path.

Nobility is learned, maybe even granted

by watching your father closely

by listening intently

and following along the best you know how

with your father right beside you.

Gifts wrapped in prayer for an almost sixteen year old

Hunger

Amazement

You

Discernment

Endurance

N

I could start making a list of your victories.  I could go to your big plastic keepsake bin in the garage and pull out the wrinkled ribbons you won for storytelling and throwing the football. I could look at the small trophies you received for Flag football or a season of Upwards Basketball or soccer. I have videos that show you scoring in those games. Those are fun memories.

Still, your ribbons, certificates and trophies don't hold great weight in the becoming of you.

When I think of the young man you're becoming, my mind goes to trials that you have suffered. The wisdom of Romans 5:3-4 tells me that it was those sufferings that produced endurance; the ability to keep on keeping on.

I remember watching you in second grade trying out for your yellow belt in martial arts. I remember inwardly tensing as I watched.  You knew the positions and  kicks, but you didn't know your left from your right, literally, and it cost you.  You didn't pass your yellow belt test; and for that you received a yellow belt with a big black stripe on it.

I was angry at your instructor.  I remember thinking that your inability to know left from right had no bearing on your form.  You were almost as crushed as I was.

You had to train for another six weeks or so before testing again; in my mind putting you behind the other students.  You passed and were on your way to earning that green belt.

As I am writing, I had to look up the color order to make sure I remembered correctly.  Interestingly the sight I found gave a meaning behind the belt colors.

White-Since white represents purity, the belt is given to a novice learner who has no prior knowledge of this field.

Yellow-given to a karate beginner and symbolizes a new birth just as a seed begins to grow

*That black stripe was a reminder that sometimes we have to try again.  We should be thankful for opportunities to try again, for there are times in life in which we fail that we must accept grace and just move on.

Green -symbolizes the color of spring, growth as if a green plant sprouts out of the ground

There are more advanced belts, but I believe we spend much of our lifetime bouncing between yellow and green. Black stripes say "Keep on keeping on!"  Ironically, it is those black stripe seasons, and the reflection of those seasons where we truly become greater.  Those are also usually sweet seasons where we find ourselves closer to our Savior.

There is no true victory without endurance.  I love the definition of victory-"success in a struggle against difficulties or an obstacle".  We really want to skip the "difficulties" part.

There is also no true character without endurance.

....we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character....Romans 5:3-4

It's important to know that some difficulties are self-inflicted.  Other sufferings are heaped on without any wrongdoing.  God works through both circumstances to bring about triumph as we endure.

So hey you

-with your left arm breaks, the playground fight and your first break-up

You and the hard work put in on that technology project that took hours of your time and though fabulous still didn't win

Because of less than stellar report cards and criticism from coaches

Rejoice, for God uses our sufferings.

You have overcome.

Though you have overcome, know you will repeat  the cycle of suffering/success.

It's the cycle of character.

As a nervous and doting mom, but one who trusts in God's promises- I pray for endurance

-for endurance is the stuff victory is made of.

Gifts wrapped in prayer for an almost sixteen year old

 Hunger

Amazement

 You

 D

 E

 N

I think I'll address you directly

Dear Hayden,

Dear YOU,

I've spent countless hours telling you what to say and what not to say. "Do this", "try not to......".   I've tried to refine your character when it probably seemed more like I was trying to redefine or change you.

But I want you to know, that I pray God will grant you a love for "you" just as you are.  I've taught you all that is important to me, as mothers do, counting it a privilege to invest in your life.  You have been filled with ideas, traditions and beliefs that I hold dear; many I pray you will hold dear too.

But God didn't intend for you to be a miniature version or a mixture of me and your dad.  You're a blueprint all your own.  And you weren't designed by your dad or me, but by a master designer.  That should give you great confidence to be who you were designed to be.

I lovingly remember your second grade school picture.  You had a cute blue checked button-up shirt that we both agreed you should wear.  Our disagreement came to the undershirt.  For several years you insisted on wearing a white t-shirt under all of your shirts.  On picture day, the only clean white shirt had an iron-on picture of you holding up a fish you had caught.

You wanted your shirt unbuttoned. I wanted the image of you hidden; safely buttoned up- and I told you to keep your shirt buttoned.  When the bell rang signaling the school day's end, you emerged from school with your shirt buttoned; good boy!

It was only when the picture package came home in your backpack that I pulled out your pictures. There you were with a smile as big as Texas with your shirt unbuttoned revealing your image on your bright white shirt.  Busted!

I don't know why I was so intent on making you keep your shirt buttoned.  Truthfully, that's the one school picture that is impressed upon my memory.

For so many years I've hemmed you in.  But I know you're a creation not to be tampered with.  I want people to see you as you are; the you that showed up on picture day. -The "you" fully revealed.

I want you to see you as you are; a most loyal guy.

You're someone with a great sense of humor like the water trick you pulled on Rylie.

You're the sweet kid that puts his arm around me at church telling me that you're glad I'm your mom.

You're the one that made me smile when you made up a secret handshake with the little girl who was following you.

You gave a bible to the kid at school who said he didn't believe in God; the kid with no friends.  You ripped out the book of Revelations so you wouldn't "scare" him off.

I've yet to know someone who can be more engaging than you can be, though there are times I watch you sit back and fade in a crowd. That's part of who you are too.

I could sit and listen to you for hours, and I wish now that I'd spent much more time doing just that.

In tough times and when you're not feeling successful I pray that you will remain thankful for how God designed you and that you'll be assured that you're enough.  In better times, I hope that you'll give God credit and glory for plans he has for you.

Be you

Bea-u-tiful You!

I've mentioned a few times that our God's Girlies family has grown with the addition of some young ladies who have it in their hearts to serve our preteens through mentoring.  One Thursday a month, one of these fabulous girls will be highlighted. That which is being shared comes from an application each girl completed.

Rebekah is one of these lovely girls.

Your testimony:

I was saved the summer I was going to sixth grade.  I was at Preteen camp and there was just this feeling of completeness when I finally accepted Christ.

What made you want to be a mentor?

I really wanted to do it because I wish that I would have had a mentor when I was that age; someone else to talk to.

A Bible verse that has had great meaning in your walk with Christ:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,

and I will give you rest. 

Take my yoke upon you

and learn from me,

for I am gentle and humble in heart,

and you will find rest for your souls. 

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

What is something you wish you had known when you were a preteen that you now know after growing in Christ and maturing in your faith?

I wish that it would have been stressed to me about not going to your friend for everything. - Just go to God first.

Pray for our mentors as they grow in their walk and live out their faith.  If you see one of them, hug their necks and let them know how thankful you are for their witness.  I know I'm thankful.

 If you have something to share on "A Thursday for Your Thoughts" 
send it to kristiburden@gmail.com

Preteen girls, moms, aunts and grandmas, remember that "A Pumpkin Project" is this Sunday at 3:30 in Edu 102 where Rebekah and Brittany will be leading fifth grade girls and up in our devotion.  Don't miss it.

A Prayer for

Hunger

A

Y

D

E

N

Hayden has a seemingly ever-increasing appetite.  I set the limit on milk at five gallons a week.  Hayden drinks more milk than the rest of us combined.  He fills his glass to the rim; sometimes over the rim.  But you know what they say, milk does the body good.

He eats pizza, and well, anything on his plate, like a ravenous beast.  It's like he can't get enough of what's on his plate.  I suspect he would still lick the plate if I let him.

We will celebrate Hayden's sixteenth birthday on October 30.  Some gifts I want for Hayden won't come wrapped in brightly colored paper. 

One meaningful gift I pray that Hayden will encounter in the years to come is a hunger; one that reaches beyond steak and eggs.  I pray that Hayden will grow in his hunger for God and for His word.

And as he hungers, I trust that he will continually be fed by the word and by the spirit of God.

I pray that through this hunger, a desire would arise to be the man God has purposed him to be.

Blessed are those

who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

 for they will be filled.

 -Matthew 5:6

I look to the evidences that Hayden is being physically filled; greasy fingers from fried chicken and a milk moustache.  I picture Hayden's growing frame; every time I turn around, his sleeves have inched up his growing forearms.  He has increased in stature so quickly that my eyes and my heart are strained from watching its speed.  Yet I pray he will find that deeper hunger.  I trust that he will be filled.  And as I continue to watch him grow, I will be thankful.