Confession #1,072- I am a control freak.

It's simple.  I like things like I like them.  And even when I don't like things, like speaking in front of people and cabbage, I WILL myself, in my controlling nature, to deal with those things.

It's the unknown that unhinges me.

I couldn't sleep last night.

The week ahead is a busy one.  Amongst the busy, I agreed to do something I haven't done before.  I will be in unfamiliar territory.  I won't have my specific orders until I get there. I won't know where the bathroom is for goodness sake, or how I will be received.

I'm a dot-to-dot girl; not a blank page to be freely doodled on or a word search.  No puzzles. I like the confidence that comes with quickly knowing what is taking shape; like on on a dot-to-dot.  I want to see and know what lies ahead.

I pay no heed to the spoiler alert for movies.  I want the spoiler.  If the guy and the girl don't get together, I want to prepare myself.  If the main character dies, I want to know- so I can opt out of watching the movie, or the ending.

I am in control.

Being in control seems like a safe place to be, but nothing could be farther from the truth.

Outside the boundaries of that safe place lies frenzied fear.

Will I be able to handle this new situation?

When I go to Kenya, will I be able to come back home safely to my children?

If I make a desert besides chocolate chip cookies (pretty much the only dessert I've made since I was 12 and could make with my eyes closed) will it turn out?  That French Toast I tried twice didn't turn out.

Will I get cancer?

Will my kids want to be close to me and their dad when they're grown?

So I stay in my fist-sized comfort zone.

And I eat my chocolate chip cookies while watching a movie I've guilted Hallie into watching with me.  I may even google headaches and ear ringing (something I need to know about) while we're watching the movie because I already know what is going to happen in the movie.  I've watched it three times before.  I like knowing what's going to happen.

In spite of all the things I have control of, which I truly understand is very little, life is uncertain.

Life is unpredictable.

We are surrounded by unknown.

Paul is not my favorite character of the Bible.  He shames me every time.   In Acts 17, the people of Athens were giving all of their attention TO AN UNKNOWN GOD.

I sacrifice my time, my energy and my focus to the UNKNOWN. I give it my fear.

Paul speaks right to me as he tells the Athenians that God's plan is one in which we would seek HIM.

......so that men would seek him

and perhaps reach out and find him,

though he is not far from each one of us.

  For in him we live and move and have our being.

-Acts 17:27,28

He is in control.

Receive the unknown.  He is in it.

You can try and seize the day, but God's already got it.

What are you gripping, that needs to be given to God?

I'd love to hear from you- kristiburden@gmail.com