I sat on the ledge of the fireplace Wednesday night; a large huddled mass of a broken girl on my lap. I had shared the bad news. A dear friend of our family, who was also Rylie's Pre-K teacher and teacher at church had passed away unexpectedly.
So we sat by the fire and I did my best to explain what I don't completely understand myself. I carefully thought out my best words, though there were none.
"She never let me down, ......she never let me down," Rylie yelled. "It's not fair". "I want her to be here with me now".
She and I rocked back and forth by the fire. Her words were angry, and I let her be.
None of us wanted to lose our dear friend. Deep down I knew her words were more true than mine; mine so proper.
My heart and my words didn't match.
There was both warmth and consuming pain in the fire at my back last night. Hope and despair.
In the words of Shakespeare, Parting is such sweet sorrow.
I was reminded by Rylie that it's ok to be broken out loud. Just as I knew and understood Rylie's pain, God knows ours deeply. He doesn't always need us to put on a brave face and proclaim his glory through right words.
In glory we recognize that God is in control. We recognize that Crystal is in a better place, even if we want her here.
Sometimes glory comes small.
Sometimes glory comes through tantrums; might I be so bold as to say begrudgingly. Crystal's passing is not our way, but we know that God's ways are higher than our ways.
And so we concede.
Rylie wrote a letter. It was addressed to God and Ms. Emmons. My broken girl, in the midst of her sorrowful fit and confusion, knows who is in control. She knows who Crystal is with. And she trusts him even if she doesn't like it.
God loves "us adults" with our words of comfort and brave smiles, but he loves us too as broken children who don't always like his will. He brings healing; sometimes that means crawling up in his lap to cry a while.
Psalm 147:3
-He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
A grace-full, faithful friend with a most gentle spirit, Crystal Emmons, you are gone but not forgotten. In the words of Rylie, "You can pop up in my dream any day......"
Pam
Special girls, both Crystal and Rylie.
Kristi
True. Hoping to see you tomorrow Pam.
Kristina DeVillier
So sorry for your loss. As kids we don't really expect for our friends to die. I remember being shocked by our neighbor's death even though I could see her getting weaker every time my mother would send me over to her house with food that she had made for her.
Just remember that God doesn't take. He receives.
kristi
Love that last line. Thanks Kristina
JoAnna
So precious Rylie such sweet words and so true. God does comfort our tears and hurts! Luv you Rylie and you too Mommy!
kristi
Love you too JoAnna.
Bettye Knudson
Rylie has such a big heart,and as you so beautifully told her it is good.good to express our thoughts sorrow and Happy aloud to God and anyone who wants to listen.So many people have gown up with the idea it is proper to cry privately[especially men and boys]that you should never show that much of yourself in public. I do believe this conception is changing and I am so happy.Blessings to you and to our sweet Ryiie.I love you
kristi
I've never been able to hide my emotions well. This may be one thing Rylie took after me. We're so grateful to be spending the next days with family. Can't wait to see you.
Bridget
Rodney and I were just devastated and heartbroken to hear about Crystal - she was just a kind, gentle spirit. My words haven't matched my heart much either since I heard the news.