I never thought I'd say this, but I miss the old house phones. You know, the ones that were attached to the wall and not that convenient if you wanted to cook or fold laundry? Our phone was mustard yellow just like our shag carpet. It had a rotary dial. I always seemed to mess up on the seventh number causing me to have to hang up and start over. 

I had to sit in the dining room to talk. I'd wrap the curly cues of the cord around my finger until the squeezing would start to turn my finger purple as the circulation was being cut off. That was the only game you could play on my phone. 

I wasn't allowed to talk for too long because we had a party line with two or three other families that lived near us in the country. It was easy for them to eavesdrop on my conversation because if they picked up their phone while I was on the line they could listen in unnoticed if they kept their breathing quiet. I know because I did that to them a few times. Their conversations weren't that interesting. 

If they chose not to eavesdrop and to instead tell me to get off the phone, I did. Back then it was nothing out of the ordinary for an adult (not your parent) to boss you around. You listened. Your parents were (almost) always on the adults' side back then even if the adults weren't being that fair. 

Times have changed. Pretty much everybody has their own cell phone. Nosy neighbors, cords and buttons have disappeared from most phones. Toddlers know how to swipe the screen and grandpas jam to YouTube and take selfies. 

According to our kids Jason and I are pretty archaic. Our Sophomore just got an iPhone and our middle schooler doesn't have a phone yet. I guess there are a few reasons for our mean-ness. Phones with the frills (which is what they really want) are expensive, time consuming and dangerous. 

That being said, we're about to give in and buy the baby her first cell phone. She'll be walking to and from school. She's starting to go to friends' houses. I don't always know the parents that well. She'll enjoy having a phone but the big deal is that her having a phone will make me feel safer. 

The good thing with this buying Rylie a phone is that she's our third kid. We're armed with phone rules. 

The bad thing with getting her a phone is that because we're on the third kid we know she'll break the rules. We've lost the naivety we had with the first and second kid. 

So here are a few rules and etiquette tips I'll drop on her after she opens her box of independence at her  birthday party. 

• If you call someone it's your responsibility to carry the conversation. Say "Hello" and be ready to state your reason for calling. Ex. "Hi. This is Rylie. May I talk to Ty?"
• Short phone calls are ok. Awkward pauses between you and the other person are a signal that the conversation can end. 
• If you call and someone doesn't answer, don't call back again immediately. Leave a message and then leave them alone. 
• Find a non-distracting place to talk. Don't watch TV or talk to someone one else. Give the person you're talking to your full attention. 

But let's get real. Texting is the preferred way of talking these days. So remember...

• Identify yourself when first texting someone so that they don't have to answer with the awkward response "Who is this?"
• Don't text one worders like "Hey". Have a reason for texting. 
• Don't be an obsessive texter. Just like with calling, if someone doesn't answer, let it be. None of this "Hey"..."Are you there?"..."helloooo!!!"
• Never use all caps. Unless you're saying something funny or making a point in a non-rude way. Crazy people use all caps. DON'T DO IT!!!!!!
• Think before you text.  Your texts should be true, kind and necessary. 
• Text at a decent time as decent is defined by us. 
• Keep in mind that your phone isn't really your phone. 

This first phone will have buttons. It won't be a smart phone. I'm still writing and enforcing those rules for the other kid and it's exhausting.  I think smart phones should be saved for parents to give as a wedding gift. Then the possible consequences of having such a tool aren't our responsibility anymore.