It's only the third week of school and, so far, two out of my three kids have had to see the doctor.  I'm treating the third kid's issue by stuffing medicine down her throat and with Google searched remedies. My response to my kids' various illnesses and pains run the gamut.  I'm evaluating some of those "Mom Response" choices.  (When I say I'm evaluating my parental responses, I'm judging yours too because I know there are other moms out there that act as weird as I do when your kids are sick or hurt). 

Moms are curious creatures.

Here are a few of my  responses. Are any, or all familar?

The Nurturer

Nothing brings out my "momness" like snot or vomit. If one of my kids blows snot I'll offer them my sleeve or hunt for a makeshift tissue like it's the holy grail (It's usually an old Sonic napkin in the floorboard).  If they puke I'll lovingly and tenderly kneel beside them while rubbing their back and I'll hold their hair (while holding my breath to avoid the smell) . 

Both snot and vomit, as well as other ailments, call for an immediate trip to Market Basket to buy items that have been determined necessary at triage (the sick couch). This could be a box of tissues or Gatorade. Gatorade or Sprite are always good purchase choices because when does your kid NOT need to be hydrated. They get to lay on the sick couch where I bring them a drink in a special cup with a straw (in their favorite color). There's always a blanket. Even if they're not cold. 

 This is the only time our gross old TV tray comes out of the garage. The kids learned to request it. I set it up by the couch so I can put the things I bought at Market Basket on it (a "special cup" and tissues). I'm much nicer in "Nurture Mode". They can call me to come find the remote or refill their cup and I'll come. I'll kiss their head to see if they have fever and smile at them, tucking in or straightening their blanket.

 {This role only last two to three days. If you're still sick on the fourth day, too bad. If a virus runs through our house and you're kid #2 or #3 and I already spent my three nurture days on kid #1?  Sorry. You missed your chance.  

Angry Mom

No. This isn't when I get mad at my sick offspring. I'm usually aggravated at the doctor's office or CVS. 

 Tuesday I called a doctor to make an appointment for one of my kids who has an infection. The office website said they open at 8:00. At 8:00 I called fifteen times only getting an answer from an "operator" type lady on call sixteen. She tells me that they open at 8:00 but don't take appointments until 9:00.

 At 9:00 I'm told that there are no open appointments until the 19th (almost two weeks away). I let the lady know (in my calm voice) that it's necessary that she be seen before then. She tells me I can always take her to the ER. I hate it when they say that. Receptionists are always unphased by the medical emergencies I present them with; like they deal with sick and hurting people all day or something.  Gosh. 

I'm seething 

"My kid is sick.  Getting on this quick is important, people!"

And CVS? They hardly ever have the medicine ready by the time they say they will. And I usually find out this frustrating information after I stand in line for twenty minutes. My kid needs their prescription or else they may die (which leads me to the next "Mom with sick kid mode").

Hypochondriac/Dismal Mom

I have, on occasion, thought my kid was going to die. I've stood over them in their slumber and watched them sleep. Both of my girls have had RSV and pneumonia. I'd count their respirations to see if the number matched the range outlined on Web MD, because if I didn't watch them sleep while recording their breaths, they may go into cardiac arrest and die. 

If the kids are not feeling well and their neck or forehead feels slightly warm to the touch, I take their temperature. 107 times.  If they have fever, I need to know. Temperature fluctuates from minute to minute and assessing the rise of a degree in temperature is of the utmost importance. 

 If they have a rash, I look up possible illnesses on MedicineNet. I scroll past most of the nonserious causes (heat, allergies, stress). It's typically the more serious illness that catches my eye. If the list has eczema and lupus, my eyes scan eczema, but are particularly locked on lupus or something even more life-threatening. 

"Knows More Than The Doctor" Mom

"I don't care what the doctor said, this isn't a virus/allergies!!"

Do I need to go on?

Skeptical Mom

Mom Mode #1-3 only lasts so long. By that time I'm usually worn out like I am this morning having been Mom #1 and 2 this week. I'm still in my pajamas at 9:30 and I'm sick of them being sick.  I start to wonder if they're as bad off as they claim to be. I'm off of Google's terrifying disease suggestions at this point.   I trade in the thermometer for my magnifying glass (the thing I use to catch them in the act of exaggerating or faking). 

I try to bust them enjoying TV when they told me earlier that afternoon that they were too sick to go to church. By the way? A laugh is a dead giveaway. You tell me you're sick and then I hear you laughing in the other room? I don't think so. 

If they hurt their ankle or arm, this is the time that I'm trying to remember which one they originally said hurt, lest they try and change it up. "I thought you were limping on your left leg on Friday". 

One of the kids is currently on medicine for an infected cyst that makes moving a certain way painful.  She didn't complain quite as much this morning. So while driving her to school I found myself taking the corners a little more maliciously to see if she still winces. She seems a little too comfortable for me, being that I just took her to the doctor yesterday.  "Did that hurt? Yesterday you said corners hurt." 

Skeptical Mom is normally the last mode before I turn back into "Normal Mom"; the mom that's back to harshly critiquing her kid's clothing choice, making a special trip for sno cones when one offspring doesn't make student council, angrily pulling half drank water bottles out from under her kid's bed when she really just came in their room to talk and back to blogging about her kids.