Rylie woke up the other morning with her tooth still under her pillow, no cash and lies coming from her parents. 

She'd lost a tooth the night before, about twelve minutes after bedtime. Exhausted, I went to bed the same time she did, texting the less-skilled toothfairy, who was still downstairs watching football, to fill in for me.  I was still awake when he slipped some cash under her pillow. 

He successfully put the money where it went, but couldn't find the tooth she'd placed in a ziplock baggy. I knew there would be questions at breakfast but I was too tired to do anything about it. 

Questions did come. She found her tooth, but didn't find the money. It had fallen behind her bed. One problem was solved, but we've still got problems. 

I was inwardly secretly hoping that she might figure out (or admit she already knows) the tooth fairy (and The Elf on the Shelf) isn't real and we can quit these shenanigans. She's 5'3. Believing in magic is getting a little weird. 

Enchanted beings aren't the only things I've lied to my kids about. Now that I think about it, fibs for fun are outnumbered by convenient fibs; the ones I tell my kids to try teach them important truths. 

Here are some other well-meaning fibs I've been known to tell. 

• It's not your grades that matter. 

I've said this to each of my kids. These very words are typically coming out of my mouth when they're getting a lecture about a low grade. "It's not the grade I care about, it's what the grade reveals about your lack of effort, preparation or understanding." (I thought that was pretty smart). But we all know that's hogwash. The grade is important. Bad grades matter just like good grades do. I hang Rylie's spelling paper on the fridge because I like the look of a one hundred written in red not just because she wrote ten words correct. Grades get you into (and keep you out of) organizations and, later, schools. They gain (and lose) you opportunities. Yes, what the grade tells us about mastering of concepts (or the lack thereof) is most important, but the grade is important too. 

• You're fine. 

I said this to my middle when she got some discouraging news this week. I looked her right in her tear-brimmed eyes and told her she was fine. Clearly she wasn't. She and I both knew that. What I was attempting to do was convince her to be fine. Sometimes, I'm not fine. I'm out of sorts, discouraged or angry. What I keep in mind for myself, and what I need to better remember to offer my kids (and others having a rough time) is a message that says, "I know you're not feeling ok now, but things will be ok. You WILL be ok."

This too shall pass.

• "Things" aren't important. 

I tell them this, but they know I'm lying when I start huffing because there are no Dr Peppers in the fridge and I lose my cool when they get a stain on my shirt that they borrowed. The whole "things aren't important" message is complicated. I try to teach them to take care of things they have. I guess it's when they assign too much value to a thing that I remind them "things aren't important".  Maybe this is it. 

Taking care of things is important. (That's how you learn responsibility). 

Appreciating what you have is important. (That's gratitude). 

But don't place too much value on things and NEVER value a thing over a person. 

• It doesn't matter what people think. 

This statement has been buried in numerous pep talks. Whether my kids were excluded from a group, made fun of for their weight, or stereotyped as a preacher's kid, I've reminded them that they're so much more than how a person (or few people) makes them feel. Truth is, it does matter to them what people think. My saying "it doesn't matter" is the height of hypocrisy. I live and breathe seeking approval. 

I guess one question should be, is what that person is thinking, helpful? I've had a few people tell me I walk too fast; to slow down. I thought about what they were saying. They were right. There's no telling how many people I pass without acknowledging because I'm too interested in quickly getting from point A to point C. I'm missing point B. Point B is important. What those people thought, and shared had value. 

If what a person says or thinks of us isn't helpful or true, our objective should be to make their unfair thoughts as insignificant as possible. This is achieved by focusing on what God has to say about us. 

• How you look isn't important 

I wish I cared less. Sometimes I wish my kids cared more like the times my middle schooler tries to wear a snug pink shirt and red shorts. Our closets wouldn't be so full if it didn't matter how we look. The Huffington Post reported that women spend $426 billion a year on beauty products. 

When I tell my kids how they look isn't important, I'm missing the true message. Dressing appropriately matters. Dressing up can be fun and can give us a confidence boost . Looking nice does influence another's opinion of you, especially initially. Maybe it's this.  How we look shouldn't be as important as it is. Character is what really matters. 

• Your dad and I always want what's best for you. 

Mostly true. We do want what's best for you, but sometimes we settle for less. I confess that sometimes we want what's easiest. We want you to watch a show upstairs and then watch another one without coming downstairs and making us listen to a synopsis of what the mean contestant did on that episode of "The Next Great Baker". 

We want peace, even if means not yet confronting some problem that's festering. Sometimes we want what's best for you, tomorrow. 

We want you to be happy. Too many times I've tried to fix things through retail therapy. Maybe being happy isn't always what's best for you. Just maybe there's a time to be broken. 

We mistakenly focus on what seems best for now because it's what's easiest. We ignore the bigger picture. 
I'm probably going to have to have the toothfairy talk at some point this week, even though she surely already knows. She knows the truth and I know the truth just like we both know, that regardless of what I say, her grades matter. Sunday, the tooth came out.  Maybe today, the truth comes out...help.