This evening held one of the scariest hours of my life.

Well maybe it wasn't  an hour. It was more like sixty seconds, but I was scared out of my wits (lit•er•ally).

Thinking wasn't an option. Instinct grabbed the reigns.

I was the kind of scared I get in dreams where some sick deranged maniac is trying to get in my house at night. The door won't lock and I can't scream.

The difference in my worst nightmares and the quick scare I experienced tonight is that in dream state I'm paralyzed. Tonight I sprung into plan-less action.

I was at Central Mall this evening with Hallie and her friend. I sent them to the Target Starbucks while I ran to TJ Maxx. I found a cute Monster bowling set for a little friend who's celebrating a big occasion tomorrow. I checked out twenty minutes later, knowing it was nearing time for church.

Heading back to Target I saw two ladies in dress clothes and heels running frantically. They yelled across the mall "Don't go to Target. There's bad stuff happening in there". 

Without pause, I started running in the direction they were escaping, I yelled back to anyone. "My daughter's in there!"

I was scared, but more than that, I was determined. I WAS going to Target. Approaching the entrance I could see a scuffle between several men and a flash of handcuffs wildly following a man's flailing arm.

As I got closer I could see the offender's free hand go toward his pocket, afraid he might be reaching for a gun.

Still, I scrambled around them at the entrance to get to Starbucks, knowing my heart wouldn't beat in healthy rhythm until I saw Hallie's face. 

Of course she was fine. She was way better off than I was. It took a few minutes to collect myself. I did manage to go find and purchase a table runner. (Retail therapy at its finest)

Now? Am I ok?

It depends on the definition of ok.  The last news post I saw on Facebook earlier today was a report on a mall shooting in San Antonio that had little to no information as to loss of life.  There's news like this too often.

More than the sinking feeling of dread concerning the world's safety, tonight, I'm reflecting on the fragile, yet fierce condition we find ourselves in, as parents, when our kids meet harm or even if we percieve harm. 

Parents are crazy.

When parents believe their kids to be in danger, it's not that they think they're invincible. It's not that they think they'll be safe. There is little thought and often no plan.

We'll put ourselves in harm's way.

We may unwittingly (or purposely) put another in harm's way.

If you hurt our kids, we may hunt you down. I remember a time my dad got in the car to go find someone who'd intentionally hurt one of his kids. Lucky for us all, he didn't find him.

Sometimes our love as parents is wise. We put great effort and thought into caring and guiding these precious beings we've been entrusted.

Sometimes it's blind.  They're the closest thing to perfect, we think.

But I saw tonight. A parent's love is wild. 

God help us, our kids and those who come between us.

Suffocating hugs are in unlimited supply at my house tonight.