My sixteen year old has finally gotten to a point where she lets me in on the goings on in her life.  This is a big score considering she was incredibly private and independent as a toddler. When she was three she put herself in time out. When I tried to talk to her, she told me while pointing her chubby finger, You go in there, I'm in time out. The fact that she recently started inviting me on ride arounds just to talk, thrills me. We still have our moments, but even when she reverts to thinking I'm controlling or critical, we work through those things. I realize that things could change before the day's over, but right now I'm kind of her person. Check mark. 

So you'd think I've got it made when it comes to parenting my girls. After all, I've got a picture of a pretty pink teapot that says Love you Mom on the fridge that our eleven year old made me last year. She's our hugger and the one who likes to bake.  I've heard Don't Stop Believing more times this week than I did during the eighties. (She likes singing.)

But what she really likes these days is her dad. This year he's been given the sole privilege of signing his name to her agenda which must be checked and signed daily. If he forgets, or isn't at the house in the morning, I'm typically allowed to be his substitute. Not this morning. He teased her that he wouldn't sign it. She pushed. He pushed back. Instead of asking me to come to the rescue with my John Hancock, she told me to make him do it saying, What am I supposed to do if he won't sign it?  Apparently my signature, Chopped Liver, doesn't cut it anymore. The girl loves her dad; she loves him number one,  loves him. 

As I'm searching for consolation this morning, I tell myself that Hallie, our oldest daughter went through a season where she specifically needed her dad. Ironically, it was around the same time as our youngest, in her middle school years.
 She requested a daddy, daughter work day one summer, to which Jason happily obliged. In this season she heartily ate up his compliments and laughed at all his jokes, even the silly ones that were at her expense. It seems that adolescence is a time where girls really need their dads. They're discovering who they are. They're defining their worth. Who better to proudly sign his name saying he's a part of that agenda than their daddy? 

Ruth Graham, wife of Billy Graham, was once asked which of her children she loved the most. She replied,  The one who needs me the most. Our daughters, and sons, I believe, go through seasons where they love the parent the most, that they need the most. Our job as mothers is obviously to continue to love and support our daughters on days and in seasons when we're not number one.  It's also important that we support our husbands as they fill the need our daughters have to be specially loved through seasons of growing. 

In those times as moms where we feel like chopped liver let's remember to

• Be patient- Girls need affirmation from their dads; in some seasons more than others. Try not to see their need for their dad as a lack of need for you. Most likely, your daughter knows you're there for them. You probably do spend the most time with them. Be gracious in allowing them their own special relationship that in some small way excludes you. 

• Be grateful. There are so many ways your daughter could be seeking approval. Better that she's seeking her father's love versus approval that's wrapped up in the wavering, faulty opinion of her peers. 

• Continue to be there for her. You may not currently be the superstar of the family. Your jokes may not be as funny; your advice might not be as sought. But be available and be encouraging even when you feel the sacrifice of your time and energy isn't understood or appreciated. 

• Assist their dad. Whether it be filling him in on things you notice she's going through or helping him make time for a quick ice cream date, be his support so that he can be a better support to her. Laugh at his jokes with her, thankful that she's laughing in a season where she spends a lot of time worrying. 

• Pray for their relationship. We know to pray for our daughters. And we pray for their dads. Don't forget to lift up the special relationship between the two. Fathers have a big responsibility in helping daughters know their worth.  Fathers, who are typically fix-it and move on creatures, are assigned a duty that requires they handle delicate issues that demand time when they often have little to spare. Fathers are called to endure emotion that's often foreign to them. 

You probably won't always be chopped liver. Just keep in mind while you are, that chopped liver is good for her. The next thing you know it may be you she's asking to take her out for ice cream.