It's Not About Me     Written by Jennifer Horner

When my sweet big sister asked me to do a guest blog, my first thought was….. Who me?  What could I possibly have to offer anyone?    I don’t have a story; I have nothing, no major disasters, no overwhelming life changes, nothing.  I was saved when I was eight years old, I go to church, end of story.  Who wants to hear that?

So, I searched and wrote and trashed many blogs. I have come up with at least 30 titles, but no story.  <Sigh>….  My sister is crazy to think that I could have anything of significance to say that you haven’t already heard.

Alas……… I have been prompted by the Lord to share my walk.

He nudges and whispers “You need to share where you are most vulnerable.”

Major sighing now!  You see I hate being vulnerable. (Don’t we all?)   I don’t want others to know the real me.  The insecure me, the” I think everyone hates me”, me.   But that is who I have allowed myself to become.

It’s no secret to those who truly know me, that I have almost no self-esteem.  Seriously!  I may seem easy going and happy, but inside is a raging sea of emotions.

Everything I say and do, I question.  This same lack of self-esteem carries over into my Christian walk.  I have no doubt about God’s abilities to do anything.  I just have unfounded fears that He won’t because I am not good enough to deserve His blessings.

I hate to try new things in fear of failure.  I hate disappointing people.  I have spent my whole life believing only the lies and hurtful words others have said.  Never truly believing “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”  (Psalms 139:14.)

I was so blessed to have the support of a loving family.  But I continued to believe only the negative about myself.

In fact I can’t even tell you how hard it was for me to write this blog.  My fear being that, what I had to say was stupid.  I could just imagine GG’s readers thinking what a pathetic sister Kristi had.  How prideful I am!

 

That’s right I said prideful.  Who am I to think of myself in that way?  I am a born again Christian, made after God’s own image.  I am no authority on myself.  God is!  He saw me as worthy enough to die for!!   I now know that this insane need to be liked, to BE somebody special, to be accepted by man is another form of pride.

Who cares if I say something stupid, or what I look like?  It doesn’t matter if no one likes my blog or my Facebook status, or me as individual.

IT’S NOT ABOUT ME!

I can fall on my face a million times and never achieve one single thing.  I could be hated by the whole world and myself; but it still wouldn’t change how GOD feels about me.  God doesn’t just use the ones who have overwhelming stories or the ones who have achieved so much in life.  He has use for us all.

We all have a story.  It’s God’s story.  A story about how a lowly carpenter who grew to be a man who would save mankind from the world….and ourselves.  In Colossians 3:23 it says this….”Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men,”  So it doesn’t matter how anyone thinks about you, we are not here to impress the world, we are here to work for the Lord.

It’s not about me or you, It’s about him!!!! 

A few weekends ago I went to Women of Faith and heard Amy, the lead singer for Selah, speak.  Her story touched me because it was my story.  Over weight and fighting low self-esteem!  Anyways after her testimony she sang this song.  “You raised me up to more than I can be.”  Don’t ask me why, but this song is talking about me.  God has and will raise us up to be more than the world or our self-esteem will allow us to be.  Our salvation in Christ has given us the power to overcome ourselves.

Our life doesn’t have to be a novel or a suspense story to share with others about Christ.  We don’t even have to be an interesting person!  We just need to share God’s love because at the end of the day, it’s all about Him! 

Jennifer Horner is my baby sister.  We begrudgingly shared clothes and a bedroom as children.  Now, though the miles separate us, we share laughter and life; stories over the wires.  Jennifer is more talented than she knows. She's a no-nonsense kind of girl; devout in her beliefs. She is passionate, fulfilling the verse she referenced "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord....-Colossians 3:23". She, like most of us, is still working on the "not (working) for man" part. By the way, I chose that verse to describe her before I knew she was going to use it.  She's an awesome wife and mom of three.  She spends much of her time as maid and cook, but I know she enjoys a good book too.  She, like all the girls in our family, likes an opportunity to snap a good photo, like the pictures above she took of her precious kids.  She loves kids, and she especially enjoys her own.  I will long remember her caring for a boy with Down Syndrome.  She's a sweet mix of nurture and "we're doing this!".  I'm most honored to call her my sister.

Consider sharing your story on "A Thursday for Your Thoughts". It's certain that you and others will be blessed.  kristiburden@gmail.com