In my last post, I was all chilled-out with my c'est la vie attitude.  Mistakes and messes, I said are often unavoidable and can be great opportunities to see God at work.  So roll with messy life, I told you and I told myself.

The same day I wrote "The Chill Proclamation",  Hayden got into his truck for the first time without me and without his dad.  I released control and let him go to Market Basket to get a few things, envisioning the worst. (I realize this admission makes me seem like a fruit loop to some of you.)  I smiled confidently as I followed him to his truck and placed my hands and face on the window, near willing myself to cling to the side of his truck like Spidey Woman.

My smile didn't match my feelings.

I knew deep down that it was the right thing to let him go.  He has his license.  It's time.  I have faith.  But that's the funny thing about faith; faith is trusting God with what happens.  Often what I really want faith to mean is that -what I want to happen will happen.

Certainly we need to listen to God so that we're making right decisions, but even the keenest ear won't make all the right ones.  Even more frightening, some good decisions can end with consequences that we don't like. We must place more importance on trusting God (no matter the circumstances) than our ability to make right decisions.

Our feeble feelings and faith can coexist.  I let Hayden go, despite worrying, knowing that God is in control.  In my days I find myself angry, frustrated and worried. I can still trust God even when my feelings shout in disagreement.

Faith and feelings don't have to match.

I remember being really angry with someone one time.  I had let my anger grow and get the best of me for a couple of months.  I remember a point where I prayed something like this:

"You know my feelings God,  I'm having a hard time changing them. I know you don't want me to feel this way.  So I'm going to obey you and trust you.  I'm going to trust that you will change my feelings because I can't."

 Of course he did.  It took a little time, but I found myself walking closer to him in the wait.

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong.  1 Corinthians 16:13

My feelings are loud.  They tell me that life is uncertain.  My feelings try to dictate my actions and inform my beliefs.   But I know better. My feelings are from me.  Faith is from God.  I think he wins.