You've been spared.  I wrote another lengthy post earlier today; this time on how (not) to be a better friend.  The bad news?  My post is lost in cyber space.  The good news? You get the rehearsed post in a nutshell.  Well,..... a very large nutshell.

I've been reading the book of Job. Of the themes of Job, friendship, or the lack thereof has always been an out-standing theme.  "Miserable counselors" Job calls them.

Friends in Job's Life who made the "Remind Me not to Call These Guys during Hard-Times List":

Job has lost everything and is subjected to-

"The As if you didn't feel bad enough, Let me -Kick you while you're Down- Friend"

His friend says, "When will you end these speeches?  Be sensible and then we'll talk" (18:2)

"The Make you more Depressed Friend"

"If even the moon is not bright and the stars are not pure in his eyes, how much less is man, who is but a maggot- a son of man, who is only a worm" (26:5-6) Wow.  Thanks for that reminder, Bildad.

and the

"Let me Bestow upon you my Endless Wisdom Friend"

"....my understanding inspires me to reply" (20:3) Zophar, you and I have the same problem.

Knowing my needs in my own seasons of pain, I can tell you that friends using approach either #1, #2, or #3 are not helping me through. Luckily I don't have friends that speak unkindly or recklessly when I'm in pain.  And I'm careful in my own words to those who are hurting.  But #3 is my go-to friend rescue approach.  I'm a wealth of comforting words and advice.  I will attempt to talk, talk, talk you out of your pain.

....... It doesn't work that way.

Job's friends did do something right.

...they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights.  No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.  (2:13)

They didn't say "Things could be worse." or "This is going to get better." In their wiser moments, they didn't give an 8,000 word discourse explaining why you should be happy.

They saw.  And they stayed.

That's been the beautiful thing my friends have done for me in rough times. Sure they talked me through my pain.  And there's nothing wrong with that.  In fact, having someone to talk with in a tough season helps.  But it's important to remember that it's your presence, your listening ear, your genuine concern, and importantly your prayer that really matters.

Be with them.

Bear with them.

To quote Maya Angelou-

At the end of the day people won't remember what you said or did.  They'll remember how you made them feel.

How has a friend helped you through a tough season?