Malia Obama, the sixteen year-old daughter of our president has been in the headlines lately. Some felt she had an attitude on camera back in November during the turkey pardoning. She stood to the side of her father sulkily with her arms crossed. She did. Whether or not you're a fan of the President, she looked sullen. And and she was dressed like a teenager going to the mall to hang out with her friends at the prestigious event. I might as well go ahead and say the first thing that seems objectionable. I really don't care what she wears, in front of the camera or elsewhere. I've never been one much for fashion propriety.
And the thing with her having her arms folded, looking bored? It did make her somewhat of a spectacle; just as I know my kids have made of themselves some Sunday mornings, not to mention at the grocery store and restaurants. I know there have been times where they walk into the sanctuary and put their nose to their phone to play a game. Or then there are those times that we have the morning greeting during service and they stay put in their pew; straight-faced and barely acknowledging the people who come to greet them. I would hope that nobody would assume that I haven't taught them better, because I have. I would further hope that people wouldn't believe that I allow them to act that way regardless, of the place, time and manner in which I choose to discipline them.
I would think that the Obamas would have had words with Malia had they known that she would give the impression that the turkey pardoning was a less than stimulating activity. If they're anything like most parents, they probably would have reminded her to smile and be pleasant. And maybe they did. My kids have been guilty of not following my instructions (especially when told to "fix their attitude"). Quite possibly they corrected her afterward. And if the Obamas didn't care at all that she stood unimpressed with the Thanksgiving tradition? I'm not sure that really matters all that much in the grand scheme of things (being that we'd like him to wisely lead our country) (and for Michelle to plan our kids lunches……..only kidding).
Parenting is tough.
Having your parenting being picked apart publicly is extremely difficult, I can imagine. I know how the small handful of comments I've received regarding my parenting have stung. Even constructive criticism is usually made without having the necessary information and without seeing the big picture.
Malia's more recent appearance on Instagram is a little bit different. A picture of the president's daughter in a "Pro Era" t-shirt has been circulating (at least in conservative circles).
I didn't have a clue who or what "Pro Era" is. Upon a little reading I found that Pro Era, also known as Progressive Era, is a Brooklyn based group of hip hop musicians. Their lyrics are downright vile. Every song is crammed with lines touting drugs, violence and sex. They also share the cop-hating sentiment with lyrics as they sing about "slaughtering pigs"
It's unknown at this point whether or not the Obamas knew about Pro Era or of their daughter's selfie with the t-shirt. I'm going to guess they didn't know. They know now. You can only hope that they don't approve of either the message of "Pro Era" or the fact that their daughter has aligned herself with their message.
I said all of that to say this. My opinion of the president and his wife's parenting choices matters little. Neither does the opinion of the general public. Luckily, New York Times and the folks at Fox News have little interest in me or my children. However, we all live in our own size and make fishbowl.
Regardless of the liberally given opinions of the public, it is the choices that Jason and I make regarding the upbringing of our children that ARE of the utmost importance.
I can't help but think:
- You can really never pay too much attention to what your kids are doing, what they're listening to, or who they're hanging around. I can't count the times I have looked up the lyrics of certain artists that my kids were listening to, only to be shocked. Before I make my kids sound bad, I know I was guilty of listening to music that spoke of sex and the like as a teen. Most of the time I was clueless to what the lyrics said, much less what they meant. It's our responsibility as parents to pay attention.
The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. Proverbs 29:15
2.Talk to your kids. There is one artist two of my kids have been fond of that I have listened to in the past. His songs are always ridiculously catchy and upbeat. A news article brought it to my attention that many of his songs speak of violence toward women. I checked this out and upon reading the words to some of his songs, was embarrassed that I'd ever listened to anything he'd sang. You'd better bet that I talked to both of the kids about it.
3.Be more concerned with what they're doing in more private circles than what they're doing in public. My concern for what they're doing in public is usually formed around what I feel other people will think. The older I get, the less I worry about public appearance. Those who love my family will love us through our mistakes. I can't be overly concerned by those who would be looking for our failings. On the other hand, what my children do in more intimate circles and the struggles that they privately face is of greater concern. Knowing what they post on Instagram and Twitter is a more accurate picture of who they are and the choices they are making. What they do at their friends house overnight is more important than whether or not they appear to be the perfect kid at HEB or in English class. Appearances can be deceiving.
Taking care of our own families would be enough to keep our time occupied, but we always seem to have time to consider the affairs of others. There's nothing wrong with Godly concern. But as a spectator of other families and their challenges we need to keep a few things in mind.
Keep in mind that parenting is tough. Being a kid, with all of its pressures, is tough. Small children are going to throw fits. They're going to get caught running in the sanctuary even when they've been told not to. They're going to be bratty when their parents have taught them better. When they're older you may see them speeding down Nederland avenue even though their parents care very much about their driving safely. Parents don't always know what their children are doing. They may smart off to their parents in your presence. What you witness is only a portion. We don't always see or know a parent's attempts to discipline their children or guide them in a better way.
Before you rush to judgement consider your motives. Do you have a Godly love for the family? If your answer is no, your concern is of no positive consequence. If you do love them, remember to pray for them. Lift them up to God instead of sharing their mishaps with others. Let them know you love them before ever considering helpful advice.
If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 1 Corinthians 13:1
For there is no friend like a sister in calm or stormy weather; to cheer one on in the tedious way, to fetch one if one goes astray, to lift one if one totters down, to strengthen whilst one stands. -Christina Rossetti
Let's be a family of sisters and brothers to moms and dads and growing kids.