It's 1 AM. I'm not only awake. I'm having a confident moment. 

  
It's strange really. We dropped our oldest off at college yesterday. One could say this is when the real test begins. 

A gentleman at the check-in table on the first floor of Hayden's dormitory held a small yellow envelope over our kid's open hand and shook out two keys that Hayden would solely be responsible for. 

 That made me a wee bit nervous. 

Parenting makes me nervous. I have anxiety that takes residence from my shoulder blade up to my neck. Parenting can be a pain in the neck. 

Besides making me nervous, "Momming",  means that I deal with feelings of inadequacy. These feelings range from guilt and fear to desperate and deranged. 

Our girls start school Monday. 

What will Hallie do when she finds out that many people in High School will continue to identify her as a preacher's kid much more than they will see her identity in Christ? 

Will she feel ignored, misunderstood? Or will she seek to find her full identity in Christ, not anxious about how others perceive her?

Colossians 3:1 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above.....v.3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.

How important will "fitting in" be to Rylie? 

 How will I react when once again my best-thought out advice regarding friend trouble and a homework tip is met with an eyeroll? 

Will I crumple in self-doubt when one of the girls behaves in ways contrary to what we've taught them....their whole lives?

I do my own evaluations when it comes to "Momming". Jason is my partner in parenting but thankfully he doesn't critique my mom skills. I do though as I suspect many of you do. 

I'm rather hard on myself and see the future of my children hinging solely on my ability to parent perfectly. 

But you know what? Right now I feel great about parenting. Even though I learned something at a wedding that we attended yesterday after dropping Hayden off at college (it was a long day). I haven't taught my youngest how to sit like a lady yet (She was man spreading in a skort at said weddung, good thing we sat in the balcony).  I also just this weekend taught my "now high schooler" how to fix macaroni from a box.

These less consequential shortcomings and the bigger parenting failings I haven't mentioned won't stop me from sharing the secret I now believe I have, the secret to raising kids. 

Neither will the fact that the proof isn't yet in the pudding. Who knows what the two younger will do when they get older (one has mentioned a tattoo) or what the oldest will do with that new set of keys he just got handed. 

I'm sharing anyway. 

The Secret to Raising Kids

1. Love them. Love them at their best and even harder at their worst. Don't just love them with things, but with words and deeds and with your time and attention. 

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4.  Be an example. -This in no way means that you will do everything perfectly. Challenge yourself to be patient concerning that frustrating experience at CVS (even when you get back in the car and the cashier is out of earshot). Too many times we're unconcerned with the little ears still listening. Sometimes you'll find yourself being the example of humility as you share your mistakes with them. Other times you'll forgive them without hesitation or a lecture when they've owned a mistake they made. 

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8. Have parenting mentors. Carefully choose people who you know will encourage you and invest in your children. Listen to them. Confide in them. 

9. Look to the word. I wouldn't much need a parenting book if I'd be more diligent in studying the word of God. He has much to say about how we should parent our children and what it means to be an example for our children. 

Philippians 2:14-16 

Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.

Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life.    

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15. Pray. I still have a ways to go in raising my kids but I can tell you that my prayer life grows as my children do. I pray for their well-being.  I pray for guidance. I pray desperately, sometimes only using one word. Other times my requests are lengthy. Be thankful in your praying so that your talks with God will be more than just requests. Listen in prayer. 

I know....I've got gaps in the list. 

The secret is in the gaps. 

I type all of these words madly in the post-midnight hours after being figuratively hit in the forehead with the knowledge that GOD IS IN THE GAPS.

 In his grace and in his love for our children He fills in the places we can't and the places we don't. 
The gaps are there to remind us of the important equation in parenting-

God + What we're able to do....

 Equals more than enough, 

Even with regrets because you've goofed up big time when you allowed your kids to do something you shouldn't have let them do. 

My grace is sufficient for thee 

2 Corinthians 12:9

The partnership we have with God keeps us going  when we realize we've been too busy for our kids or when we're scared senseless, clueless how to handle bad news we just received about trouble they're in. 

We can rest a little. We can live with the fact that we might not be our kids' favorite person for the time-being. We can hand over our anxiety and seek peace even when we can't fix it.  We can quit evaluating ourselves quite so harshly.  

And in those rare moments where we feel we've earned a parent "gold star" we can be mindful not to take too much credit. 

 We can quit trying to be so creative and heroic at filling in the blanks. Those gaps aren't always gaps. 

Sometimes they're God spaces.