Sabbatical Day 8 

If you've missed a few posts, Jason and I drug a camper trailer to the San Juan mountains. We're camping in the Rio Grande National Forest in Colorado. Our church has so graciously provided us with some sabbath time. This post shares a day in our journey. 

Jason and I took our regular walk this morning. There's hardly an inch of this place where we're staying that I don't have a memory of. It's around my thirty-first time to be here. 

I've eaten an embarrassing number of fried burritos here through the years. I've paddle-boated plenty; an early detector of my less than expert driving skills. I've scaled the mountain on horseback.  And I've inter-tubed the Rio Grande. 

Most of those memories are pleasant. Some? Not so much. While on a walk up the mountain the other day, I was reminded of how terrified I used to be on the trail rides. Both going up and down the mountain, there would be, in places, a narrow rocky, dirt trail. The horses made most of the trips half asleep. Occasionally their foot would slip on a rock and they'd stumble a bit making both mine and their death near certain, by way of tumbling off the side of the mountain. 

Then there was the inter-tubing in the freezing waters of the Rio Grande. I didn't even enjoy stepping into the water. The uneven, ungracious rocks kept me unbalanced. But steppning into the water was better than what would happen when I'd jump up on my inter tube. 

I don't remember a trip where there wasn't somebody, either my antagonizing brother or a cousin, who'd get close enough to kick freezing water on me. The breeze made the water that much colder. Maybe worse was when I'd get separated from the group, afraid that I'd float off (as if I couldn't stop myself) somewhere down the Rio Grande outside Fun Valley. 

When we'd made one round there's always be those around me who were in for a couple more rounds of torture and they'd talk me into my usual begrudged participation.

Here's the place. 

I still have a pattern of such behavior. I have a hard time saying no to people. I will say that when it came to being subjected to things such as alcohol and the practice of cursing as a teenager, I was an oak. I wanted to please God and I knew those things were wrong and could easily say no. But when it came (and has come) to doing things just for the sake of seeming nice, or brave or interesting, I have wasted a great deal of my time and most likely fooled a few people. Still, most likely people find out when you're not genuine. I'm not sure that pleases God either. 

Does anybody remember  Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere?  I truly identified with Maggie's (Julia Robert's) character. A quick synopsis: Country girl, flannel-wearing Maggie has jilted several grooms at the altar. A reporter (Ricahrd Gere) from the city comes to get the story just as Maggie is engaged to be married once again. 

(Kind of ) Spoiler alert: The reporter after spending some time with Maggir, asks her how she likes her eggs. Throughout her relationships she's ordered whatever type of eggs her man was ordering, be it poached, scrambled or over easy. Come to find out Maggie's egg choices reveals her inability to make decisions based on who she really is and what she's really looking for. 

A few months ago, Jason suggested, and a good friend gave me, an insightful and helpful book called "Boundaries". Here's a great quote I came upon early in the book.  

Many people live scattered and tumultuous lives trying to live outside of their own boundaries, not accepting and expressing the truth of who they are. Honesty about who you are gives you the biblical value of integrity or oneness. -Boundaries by Dr. Henry McCloud and Dr. John Townsend

I'm glad to be hemmed in by mountains these days. I'm thankful for the lack of voices (mainly the many voices of the world) that direct my path. I tend to be like one of those sleepy old horses. 

Sign my kids up for way too many activities just because it seems the thing to do? Ok. Stand there and participate (even if in silence) to an unkind conversation just because you don't want to be viewed as rude, or made an outsider? Count me in. 

Faithful God though, through scripture, is remaking me into someone unique, someone whose image isn't man made or formed into a worldly likeness; someone whose aim (to please) has been redirected. 

May I cease to waste my energy on being someone I'm not. It tires me and is of no benefit; neither to me nor those around me. May I live only to please God. Scripture tells me He's got some kind of plan.  

Mathew 5:37 But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.