(It's 3:27 a.m. and my fingers are sleepy, doing their best to keep up with the thoughts that are flooding my mind. This kind of writing (the kind that wakes me up) is usually the writing that I know is for me.)
I don't deal well with rudeness. Some people wouldn't know this about me because for years I only internalized my feelings. I'm noticing though, with age, that my filter that decides what I say and what I keep internalized is growing thinner and maybe more holey. (I hope I don't confuse you into thinking I mean holy, I mean full of holes).
It's been a particularly busy week in which I've dealt with a lot of people; a few that were snippy and unforgiving. With my increasing tendency to be intolerant of this behavior I'm having to adjust my rude reactor.
Reaction to Rudeness Reminders
1. A good disposition that can be easily deposed isn't really a good disposition.
I feel I'm generally pretty pleasant. If I am in need of assistance, say in a store or in the school office, I will wait my turn. I will make my request in an undemanding manner making it known that I appreciate that person's time and assistance. But all it takes is a sideways glance from that person, conveying "You're wasting my time" or "STUPID question!" and my sweet disposition has crumbled. If a look, or a lack of response to my kindness ruins my mood, then my mood needs to grow some muscles.
2.Reciprocal rudeness is still rude.
Reciprocal rudeness-when someone is rude and you're rude back. Wednesday I was about to pull into Dairy Queen. A lady in front of me on the opposite side of the road had her left blinker on to turn in to DQ. She assumed I was going to turn in before she got her chance; that I was getting ready to "cut" her in line. I don't read lips that well, but she was definitely cursing me waving her arms about wildly. So I felt the need to return the theatrics by making my eyes big and mouthing dramatically, "I SEE YOU"! ( In other words, settle down I'm waiting for you). My words were unnecessary and unkind. Rudeness is rude if you start it or not.
3. A smile has more value when it's given to the seemingly undeserving.
...... I will forget my complaint, change my expression and smile. Job 9:27
It's easy to smile when things are going your way; when you're around pleasant people. But there are some people who are just emotionally draining. They're negative. They can be unresponsive or over- reactive. When your smile has been challenged with someone rude, smile anyway. Make it not about you and how someone has made you feel.
4.People who are unmerciful are typically the ones who need to be shown mercy.
I explained to one of my kids yesterday that I was sorry for being grumpy, but that I'd had a long hard week. The point? You don't know what the person with a snarky attitude may have been through five minutes before you encountered them. That person that always seems snippy or combative for no apparent reason may be may be suffering in a way you couldn't imagine.
In the words of Jesus:
....bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you
If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them.
Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
Luke : 6: 28, 32, 36
5. Have your "unhappy dialogue" with God.
There's always an unhappy dialogue when I've dealt with someone rude. In my weakest moments I snip back at that person or act more cool, dropping the warm smile. My encounters with rudeness are also usually shared with those I am close to. This is where, still fuming, I share what "I should have said back to that person". There is no one who is more worth sharing your "unhappy dialogue" with, than Jesus. He is the diffuser of anger. Time with him allows me to refuel on love; the kind of love that's unaffected by the thing we call "feelings".
How do you deal with rudeness?
Or is there another behavior that drives you bonkers?