I've always suggested that the setting up of my blog was a conspiracy. I entered the kitchen one day and Jason was on my lap top secretively typing away. Let me even go back and say that it was his idea to get me a laptop. (Is lap top one word or two? See, I have no business owning one.) I sin more while using technology (well, that and driving my car and shopping cart in busy lanes ) than any other time. Anyway. Jason set up my blog/website, whatever you want to call it. I hadn't asked for it. I made C's on most every college English paper. Still, Jason not only set up my blog, he encouraged me to write. You want to know why I think he did this? Don't get me wrong, he's really sweet and he believes in me and all that jazz....
but the truth is, his man ears can't take all that I have to say.
I have a lot to say; both when things are fine and dandy and when a dark cloud has perched itself right overhead. My therapy, when I'm weary, confused, angry, when I'm feeling hopeless and even when my heart could burst from excitement, is to talk about it. I will say that I'm an excellent secret keeper, but when it comes to my thoughts and my FEELINGS, I want to share, share share.
Much like outside my window today, my mood is cloudy. Today is Jason's day off. So as he sat beside me in our oversized brown chair earlier, I had the ear I've been waiting for all (busy, long, long) week. I hadn't gotten very far when he said, "You know, it's been a while since you've written anything. You should write." So here I am, obedient wife that I am.
Jason's not the only one whose ear I've near talked off lately. I have good friends, females no doubt, who God shared with me to endure all the words.
Still, there are things, deep things that are better poured out somewhere rather than on human ears. I've been doing a lot of praying. Much of my praying must seem like Hannah in 1 Samuel who prayed so embittered and broken that she was mistaken to be drunk. Some of my prayers are desperate, and they're never thought out. I'm so glad it can be that way with God, unlike texts that I send where I find myself typing....deleting…..typing…..finger-tapping on my forehead, thinking, deleting……....typing......sending……then wish I could go back and delete.
With God, my words and murmurs-good, bad, unintelligible, and even my rare silence is heard and understood.
….the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. Romans 8:26
There are, according to several different sources, 783,137 words in the Bible. Every one of them are spoken to me and to you. They're spoken personally. The words are a beautiful story, they're mystery, and a carefully crafted love letter to each of us. But in addition to all of those words, sometimes God whispers just a word or two, stilling our soul.
This morning those words were "Better things".
As I was getting ready I did what I do every day. I was drying my hair with my right hand, clicking on a news article with my left finger, ready to read another piece that would add to the brokenness I have felt in my heart as of late. I heard, what was like one of those Spirit sighs, say softly "Better things". Set your mind on better things. A verse came to me. It's a verse I've used in a dozen posts making you think it might be one of the only ones I know, a verse I've read over and over; a verse that is working in me so diligently to guide my life.
…..whatever is true
….…whatever is noble
………whatever is right
…………whatever is pure
…………….whatever is lovely
………………..whatever is admirable
If anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8
Think about "Better Things"
I know that while we think about better things, we are merely distracting ourselves from pain and sorrow and the things we just don't understand, but this brokenness and feeling of incompleteness won't always be.
Better things are to come.
There will come a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place
Will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face (Jeremy Camp-There Will be a Day)
He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying, for the old order of things has passed away. Revelation 21:4
For the record, my man who conspired against me, is good. He's very, very good.
And my friends who get phone neck cricks and answer my epically long texts? Well, they're good too.