Ten years ago the new year was crowding in on me. Jason and I stupidly made our way to Times Square around five in the afternoon ready to bring in 2004 in a big way. An hour or so after we got there I found myself hemmed in by the crowd; unable to lift my arm to scratch an itch on my nose. I couldn't stand it. By 7:00 Jason and I had made our way back to the hotel with cheese and grapes and bottled soft drinks to enjoy a more unencumbered celebration.
We raised our window (to hear the celebration) and later our Coke bottles; cheers for a new year and new opportunity.
Fast forward ten years and my plans are much like they were in 2004. Though my list of things I want to fix is exhaustive, I plan on bringing in the new year without the world about my shoulders.
Every year I think about what I might resolve to do better or what I 'll try NOT to do. But I can't think of a single resolution I've stuck with for more than a week.
It's not that I don't have goals for myself; I do. I have goals for myself and for my family. At the year's beginning, and every morning really, I wake up resolved to be better. I develop and execute plans. Those plans may be small but they're many in number.
For example I've finally willed myself to shop more in the produce aisle. I'll now pitch a carton of spinach leaves and strawberries in the cart along with a bunch of bananas attempting to eat healthier. I plan in a thousand ways to be more patient. I try not to creep up on the bumpers of unmoving cars at green lights. I try not to lose my cool when helping my third grader with those wordy math problems that meet us for homework after an already long day. I stock the space underneath the kitchen sink with cleaning products with aspirations of good house cleaning, or at least clean toilets. I try to engage in conversations with people I don't know and I try to talk more with God.
I want to DO good.
I want to BE good.
In 2013 I bought a roll of red tape that says "Do not cross". I placed it at the bottom of the stairs one evening orchestrating a technology-free night for the family. It was great...... It was the only one we ever had.
I want my kids to be good
Reminding them to say "yes ma'am and yes sir".
-Buying a new shower curtain and shower caddy in hopes to inspire them to keep soggy wash rags out of the tub and dirty clothes off the bathroom floor. I tirelessly teach my kids. I want them to be more thoughtful and outgoing. Oh that they could study harder, pick up that stray piece of trash by the garbage can, sit up straight in church and smile at strangers.
I want us to be good.
Because good is easy to love.
Good doesn't get a sideways glance. You know, the kind you feel you get when you forget to check what your daughter was wearing when you left the house....and you realize it's not appropriate.
Good is the front we wear in hopes to be accepted and admired even when (especially when) there is struggle
And there is struggle-
despite New Year's resolutions, Herculean effort and heartfelt prayer.
Good, we think, is a pathway to God.
But we are hardly good. And all this trying year in and year out wears us down.
I want to fly away, far beyond my cage
Where I hear freedom singing
You are telling me again there's no door to keep me in
I hear freedom singing -JJ Heller
That's why I'm looking toward something totally world-rocking this year.
I plan on doing less plotting on self and family improvement. I intend on moping less when good intentions go sour. Less effort will be made to make you think that those "Burdens" really do try, though really we do.
I presume we're not the only ones.
Truth is, though we desire to be good, we simply are not.
No one is good except God alone. Mark 10:18
Our life ought to be about the goodness of God. It's the only good there is.
You may call it resolution (this idea of committing to a better way at the year's beginning). Rylie calls it a revolution.
Revolution
Hers is to make better jokes. I think revolution isn't such a bad idea.
This year ought to be about revolution for all of us; all of our motion being about Him and around Him. Because He is good. We ought to let our lives revolve around recognizing and praising the small graces of his goodness and around his kindest act of grace; salvation. We ought to commit our ever-impatient selves and our messy children to displaying God's goodness as He works through our failings. Our lives ought to revolve around the thought, God is good.
Goodness is not a path to God.
God is a path to goodness.
The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name's sake.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life. Psalm 1-3;6
It's all about Him