If you're anything like my family, you'll be making some miles this summer. Here are 15 signs you've spent too much time in the car.
Check yourself.
1. You start counting the yellow stripes in the center of the highway.
2. You can't wait for the next gross gas station bathroom. Literally. You can't wait.
3. You find yourself wishing you still had one of those large laminated maps in the glove box so that you could unfold it and then challenge yourself to get it back to the correct folded position.
4. You count cows.
5. You count the white car to total car ratio.
6. You start to think you might have OCD because of your obsession with counting everything, until you see a small bruise on your leg which gets you to thinking about blood clots.
7. You consider waving wildly at the car in the next lane, like you know them, just to get their reaction.
8. You flip down the visor and the mirror suggests that you carry a slight resemblance to Dustin Hoffman.
9. You look an hour later and decide you could more easily be mistaken for Johnny Depp himself than his girlfriend (which makes you decide that you should freshen your makeup).
10. The fly in the car keeps you on the edge of your seat.
11. You start to make acronyms with the letters on the license plate on the SUV in front of you. (912 LSG -nine-hundred twelve large speckled goats)
12. You'd pick a Big Grab of Spicy Doritos from Pak-A-Sak if given the chance to have your wish granted for any one thing with the exception of being home.
13. Your kid invites you to a Pokemon challenge. And you accept.
14. Drooling and/or head bobbing happens.
15. And finally, you may have spent too much time in the car if you considered one or more of the following:
-Learning the parts of both the phantom and Christine on the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack
-Performing the "Cups" song with dash-slapping being the replacement for an actual cup
-Teaching the kids the "Fresh Prince of BelAir" theme song
-Recording any of such acts
Drive and ride responsibly this summer.