To my Dearest:

You're a great gift giver, really you are; even though I've told the world several times over that you got me ten pounds of bologna for our first anniversary.   I know that I completely under-reacted the time you got me that cool dust pan with the built-in slot for my foot so I wouldn't have to bend over to sweep the muck up. You were thinking of my lower back problems.  You're always thinking of me.

Considering the things you give me on Valentines, and well, every other day of the year, I'm making a list of things I hope you won't be giving me this time around.

You deserve a little help

1. Unending patience- It's not that I don't love the patience you have with me, and it's definitely not that I don't need it.  I do.  But I figure you probably get tired of hearing me whine and complain about "how nothing's going right".  I know I exceed my text limit while messaging you that "we're STILL waiting for our appointment" and "when will you be home?".  You can't run and you can't hide.  Well I guess you could, but you don't.  You're so very patient.  My desire is that I'd be the wife that allows at least a pause to your patience by being less short-tempered and not so needy (By the way, could you pick up some bread and ice at Market Basket?).....kidding.

I'm hoping that this Valentines you won't give me....

2.  a response to everything I say, as well as a response to all facial expressions- I'm kind of a champ at ping-pong.  Some times I think marriage is a game of lobbing words and feelings to the other player with the hopes that the ball will be returned with precision  (right smack in the middle of my paddle).  In my better moments I'm aware of my overbearing need for to you respond to everything.......(respond positively, that is).  I really don't want you to respond honestly.  I want you to respond how I want you to respond.   I want you to be appalled when I'm appalled.  But I can tell if you're faking.  I want you to be interested in everything I tell you including what I read happened to a couple in Armenia.  You're supposed to be able to read all of my facial expressions, like the one I make as to say "Can you believe that?"

I feel much better (well a little) when you return the expression: "No, I can't believe that.  I'm flabbergasted alongside you!"

But this Valentines?

- I want to make a better effort to appreciate your steadfast nature which doesn't have the need to respond to everything.  That nature is just what I need to calm my crazy. No,  I'm not asking for a response to every little thing I say.

Something else that you've given me in years past that I'm asking you NOT to give me this time?

3. Constant companionship (at least companionship in the way I've always framed it) You come home from long days of work and sometimes you're worn out from talking. Your ears ache from listening-  No matter to me.  I have a whole day's worth of events to tell you about.  I proceed to tell you what happened to Hallie at lunch using more words than Hallie herself used to tell me about the event.  I share with you what the third graders are doing in Math this week and how HEB doesn't sell those Nature Valley Dark Chocolate Granola Bars that I like so well. Don't get me wrong.  I want to hear about your day too -and about what nightly news event has you stunned.  You just don't always work like that.  Companionship, you know, can consist of being in each other's presence

-not having to say a word.

Companionship should include silent understanding; respecting the other person's need to be at rest. This Valentines I vow

to give you space,

moments without words,

and afternoons without a play by play.

This isn't the first time I've made a commitment not to need these things from you.  And I'm sure it won't be the last.  Working on being the wife you deserve is a slow process (I think the process slows and maybe even reverses when you turn forty, and when you have teenagers), but I'm working on it.  That's why there's one gift that you always give me that I'll be thankful to get from you again.

Grace

Grace that hangs in there when I fall apart over burned out light bulbs and messy kid closets.

Grace that just listens when I complain about my figure while nibbling on a brownie instead of going to the gym.

Grace that guides me in things you weren't designed to care about like how I should get my hair cut next week.

And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.  John 1:16

You are a vessel of his grace.  Thankful for you this Valentines and every day.

I love you.