O ye of little faith 

  
 I didn't want Rylie to be in Bible Drill this year. Don't get me wrong. It's a wonderful program that familiarizes children with the Bible. They have to memorize twenty-five verses and references. They also have to know the books of the Bible well. Bible drill is a contest which includes series of finding and quoting different parts of the bible, each in ten seconds. 

Neither memory nor speed has ever been a strong suit of Rylie's. I remember that the reward stickers on the memorization chart in the Bible Buddies (the kiddie version of Bible Drill) came slowly. 

A couple of years ago in Bible Buddies, Rylie and the rest of the drilling crew got in front of the church to show off what they'd learned. They started off by reciting the books of the Bible. Rylie was by far the loudest. She got stuck in a repetitive loop of about five books somewhere between Ecclesiates and Lamentations. The whole group got out of sync and had to start over. The same thing happened again. The teacher decided to recite the books with the kids, lest Rylie get them stuck again at Isaiah once more. 

Ms Fran then asked the group if anyone wanted to volunteer to say the books of the Bible alone. Guess who volunteered? 

Yep. 

Rylie struggled through the books one more time. And then every time thereafter, when Ms Fran asked for a volunteer to recite a verse...she raised her hand. 

Her brazen nature is foreign to mine. 

I remember being her age and never raising my hand in class, even if I knew the answer. I might say something wrong.  Was I going to take that chance?

No thank you.

Watching her mess up that night on stage in Bible Buddies didn't lessen my pride in her effort or courage. It just brought up those old fear feelings, the ones that bubble up and smother me in my tight cage  made up of self-drawn boundary lines.

I've got plenty of extra baling wire to wrap around my kids too (to keep them safe, of course), but they crawl through it. They try out for parts they don't make. They raise their hand and sometimes they get the answer wrong. 

I used to think they didn't value security. But what those tough little boogers have taught me is that security can be found outside the bounds of safety. Security is "doing the thing "even if you get it wrong, even if it doesnt end in victory. 

To my secret disapproval, Rylie did Bible Drill this year ...and she did it well. 

  
Today was the state competition. I woke up at five-something this morning  to start my pleading. 

Please God, 

Help her focus

Help her recall to memory all that she's worked to learn. 

Help her to be at peace if she makes a mistake or doesn't find the page she needs before the ten seconds are up. 

She ended up with the title of State Winner Perfect. 

I reminded her over a victory cupcake that we had all prayed/pleaded that God would help her through the drill. 

And then I asked her, what comes after Please (and all the asking of God)?

Thank you. 

Thank you that she drilled well

Thank you that my kids didn't inherit my intense fear

 Thank you that she has two awesome ladies in her life (and she had two in Bible Buddies) who have invested their time to teach her with plenty of  affection. 

Thank you that Rylie's big sister sat in the audience today ready with a thumbs up or a mouthed "Good Job" any time Rylie looked to her for encouragement. 

Thank you that the whole experience still would have been worth it had she not scored perfect 

Because the whole "trusting you" thing is more important than the results 

...the victory cupcake and the perfect score are pretty sweet too. 

 Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. Malachi 3:10