Modesty.
I don't bring up this topic because I'm an expert on it. I don't bring it up because I'm the perfect example. I bring it up because I have a teenage son and a preteen daughter. I bring it up because I have a soon to be seven-year old. I want to be sure I'm bringing her up as "wholesomely" as possible. I write about this....... because I want my children to be modest.
What exactly is modesty?
The second definition given by Merriam Webster is "propriety in dress, speech or conduct". This is the definition I am familiar with. This is the definition that has me asking the question "what not to wear", but the first given definition begs for a closer look.
mod.es.ty -
1 : freedom from conceit or vanity
In order for our young people to acquire a modest mindset, we have to go deeper than the style swimsuit we allow them to wear. We have to consider more than whether or not to let them wear makeup (though these decisions are important too). We have to go to the heart.
Being a preteen and even teen is difficult. These years are often defined by a time when "children" are struggling with not feeling "good enough". This is common if not the rule. How kids view themselves and how they feel they are viewed by others becomes all-consuming. -Not that this can't be an issue with adults (who think that bad hair days are bad days). Can I get an amen?
As a parent, I know that I would do most anything to bandage their fragile hearts. I'm afraid though, that even meaning well, in seeking to bolster my kids self-confidence I have jumped on the "How to make your kid feel like they're the prettiest/most handsome/funniest/most athletic/intelligent ... bandwagon.
I have bandaged this heart wound of not feeling good enough with lip gloss and a new outfit. I have Scooby Doo band-aided this pain with one too many compliments, and dismissiveness to inappropriate dress or even attitude from my kids.
Could it be that my well-meaning compliments and allowances have encouraged my kids to be.....conceited or vain? Have I unintentionally taught them to think and focus on themselves?
If modesty is the freedom from conceit or vanity, then how are they to be free when I make it my goal to ensure their security by helping them "dress" their way to a better image.
Immodesty, I believe, starts on the inside. Immodesty is being held captive to thoughts of oneself. It becomes visible as inappropriate speech and dress becomes apparent.
Vanity is simply a condition which derives from a heart that knows it's "not good enough" and seeks to "feel good enough".
What if we help our children forget about turning heads. What if we help them to look up instead of constantly looking in the mirror.
Psalm 119:37
Your thoughts?
Pam
Kristi,
Can I go back and grow up again with you as my mother? Can I take two steps backwards and learn from you as my sister? Not to cause any issue with your sense of modesty, but acknowledging the woman you are inside, your insight is a great part of your attractiveness. Oh I want to be me, but a me who is more like you when I finally grow up. You are a precious woman of God. You serve Him so well. Blessings.
Pam
Kristiburden
Pam, you're crazy. But thanks. Your encouraging words are always perfectly timed. It's funny to hear be so complimentary when I know you're the ultimate woman. You have always amazed me in your steadfast devotion to your family. You make being a great mom, wife and friend look effortless. And you are unmoved by the culture around you.
Betty
Really true. I grew up in a home that was not always encouraging from my father, in fact, I attribute a lot of the insecurity I've learned to deal with that coming from him making me not feel good enough. Until I had Christ in my life I struggled with trying to be what others wanted. Praise God for his grace and mercy that has helped to heal me and make me feel loved. You're right - Modesty is more than how we dress. Thanks for posting this.
Kristiburden
I still struggle with modesty. You're right. Living a Christ-centered life is the only way to battle this struggle. Whether it's someone who thinks they're the perfect package or someone with insecurities, the focus on self is bondage- it takes too much work.
Still miss you.