Tag Archives: teens

•

Yesterday I posted about modesty and how it begins in the inner room (and I don't mean the closet).  Modesty as well as immodesty has its roots in the heart.  The way we dress, speak and even act are outward expressions of our deeper self.

I also shared my belief that many times our style of dressing, misconduct and reckless speech reflect a need to feel accepted.  People in general, but especially young girls want to feel "good enough". Today I want to focus on dress, the area in which young girls often need direction and where I as an adult need reminding.

And as I mentioned yesterday, I am no expert.  And sadly I am not always the perfect example.  A work in progress, I pray that I might become a woman who brings all glory and attention to God.  My hope is that my being (heart and clothes) would point my daughters and other young girls to a modest and vibrant life with the Savior.

Here are a couple of links I found.  I've only skimmed through them so far.  So check them out.

–Rachel Lee Carter is the author of Fashioned by Faith~An International Model Uncovers the Truth about Modesty and Style (Thomas Nelson, 2011).

http://www.modelingchrist.com/

- A PDF checklist detailing how to ensure you're properly dressed before you leave the house

http://girltalk.blogs.com/girltalk/files/modesty_heart_check3.pdf

True Woman's Blog: What and What Not to Wear

http://www.truewoman.com/?id=1702

Modesty in a Hypersexual World

http://solofemininity.blogs.com/posts/2006/01/modesty_in_a_hy.html

I guess this is weird, but I'm giving you a link to my links.  If you haven't gotten a chance to check them out, I have a few to look at under Raising Girls.

http://kristiburden.com/?p=108

Please share your thoughts, other links and your story.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

• 4 Comments

•

Modesty.

I don't bring up this topic because I'm an expert on it.  I don't bring it up because I'm the perfect example.  I bring it up because I have a teenage son and a preteen daughter.  I bring it up because I have a soon to be seven-year old. I want to be sure I'm bringing her up as "wholesomely" as possible. I write about this....... because I want my children to be modest.

What exactly is modesty?

The second definition given by Merriam Webster is "propriety in dress, speech or conduct".  This is the definition I am familiar with.  This is the definition that has me asking the question "what not to wear", but the first given definition begs for a closer look.

mod.es.ty -

1 : freedom from conceit or vanity

In order for our young people to acquire a modest mindset, we have to go deeper than the style swimsuit we allow them to wear.  We have to consider more than whether or not to let them wear makeup (though these decisions are important too).  We have to go to the heart.

Being a preteen and even teen is difficult.  These years are often defined by a time when  "children" are struggling with not feeling "good enough". This is common if not the rule. How kids view themselves and how they feel they are viewed by others becomes all-consuming. -Not that this can't be an issue with adults (who think that bad hair days are bad days).  Can I get an amen?

As a parent, I know that I would do most anything to bandage their fragile hearts.  I'm afraid though, that even meaning well, in seeking to bolster my kids self-confidence I have jumped on the "How to make your kid feel like they're the prettiest/most handsome/funniest/most athletic/intelligent ... bandwagon.

I have bandaged  this heart wound of not feeling good enough with lip gloss and a new outfit. I have Scooby Doo band-aided this pain with one too many compliments, and dismissiveness to inappropriate dress or even attitude from my kids.

Could it be that my well-meaning compliments and allowances have encouraged my kids to be.....conceited or vain? Have I unintentionally taught them to think and focus on themselves?

If modesty is the freedom from conceit or vanity, then how are they to be free when I make it my goal to ensure their security by helping them "dress" their way to a better image.

Immodesty, I believe, starts on the inside. Immodesty is being held captive to thoughts of oneself. It becomes visible as inappropriate speech and dress becomes apparent.

Vanity is simply a condition which derives from a heart that knows it's "not good enough" and seeks to "feel good enough".

What if we help our children forget about turning heads. What if we help them to look up instead of constantly looking in the mirror.

Psalm 119:37

Your thoughts?

• 2 Comments

•

Close the Door!

 All three of our children have heard Jason and I raise our voices in agitation as we approach the front door or refrigerator door  left wide open.  They come by it honestly.

I remember well, a time when I was somewhere between Hayden and Hallie’s age that I left one too many cabinet doors open. My mother carried out swift justice.  She opened every cabinet and drawer- maybe in the whole house.  She made me close every one.  Dramatic I’m sure, but it seemed like torture.  She watched (seemingly enjoying every minute).  Out of all the punishments I ever received, it's one I remember.

Presently I wouldn’t be able to count the number of times the refrigerator door, the car door and the front door have been left open by the kids. But as irony would have it, we now have a new problem.  I noticed it a few months ago.  The upstairs is entirely too quiet, even when I’m upstairs.  The two oldest, who  finally shut doors- are doing just that.  They routinely shut their bedroom doors now. They keep them shut. I suppose some privacy is in order.  But I just can’t shake the feeling that I’m being shut out in some sense.

I’m not on their top ten list of "the world’s greatest people" anymore.  

 I rarely hear “Hey Mom, What do you think about….” 

 They think I’m strict.  They think I ask too much of them.  They think that I don’t understand them. 

 And so they shut the door.  They watch families on TV whose parents perfectly understand their kids.  They text kids their age and ask “Hey… What do you think about..”. They listen to songs sung by artists on their top ten list of "the world’s greatest people".

How do I contend with that?

First I moped.

.... Now I do what my mom did…..Well in reverse that is.

I have them open their door.  And open it again. I even invite myself in. I’ m sure it seems like pure torture.  I suspect they won’t like the continuing invasion. But I’m praying that maybe, just maybe, when they're older, it will be the punishment they remember.  And if I’m lucky, they’ll thank me for it.

I’m going to go call my mom now.