Tag Archives: kristi burden

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(It's 3:27 a.m. and my fingers are sleepy, doing their best to keep up with the thoughts that are flooding my mind.  This kind of writing (the kind that wakes me up) is usually the writing that I know is for me.)

I don't deal well with rudeness.  Some people wouldn't know this about me because for years I only internalized my feelings.  I'm noticing though, with age, that my filter that decides what I say and what I keep internalized is growing thinner and maybe more holey.  (I hope I don't confuse you into thinking I mean holy, I mean full of holes).

It's been a particularly busy week in which I've dealt with a lot of people; a few that were snippy and unforgiving.  With my increasing tendency to be intolerant of this behavior I'm having to adjust my rude reactor.

Reaction to Rudeness Reminders

1. A good disposition that can be easily deposed isn't really a good disposition.

I feel I'm generally pretty pleasant.  If I am in need of assistance, say in a store or in the school office, I will wait my turn.  I will make my request in an undemanding manner making it known that I appreciate that person's time and assistance.  But all it takes is a sideways glance from that person, conveying "You're wasting my time" or "STUPID question!" and my sweet disposition has crumbled.  If a look, or a lack of response to my kindness ruins my mood, then my mood needs to grow some muscles.

  2.Reciprocal rudeness is still rude.

 Reciprocal rudeness-when someone is rude and you're rude back.  Wednesday I was about to pull into Dairy Queen.  A lady in front of me on the opposite side of the road had her left blinker on to turn in to DQ.  She assumed I was going to turn in before she got her chance; that I was getting ready to "cut" her in line.  I don't read lips that well, but she was definitely cursing me waving her arms about wildly.  So I felt the need to return the theatrics by making my eyes big and mouthing dramatically, "I SEE YOU"! ( In other words, settle down I'm waiting for you).  My words were unnecessary and unkind. Rudeness is rude if you start it or not.

3. A smile has more value when it's given to the seemingly undeserving.

...... I will forget my complaint, change my expression and smile. Job 9:27

It's easy to smile when things are going your way; when you're around pleasant people.  But there are some people who are just emotionally draining.  They're negative.  They can be unresponsive or over- reactive.  When your smile has been challenged with someone rude, smile anyway.  Make it not about you and how someone has made you feel.

4.People who are unmerciful are typically the ones who need to be shown mercy.

 I explained to one of my kids yesterday that I was sorry for being grumpy, but that I'd had a long hard week. The point? You don't know what the person with a snarky  attitude may have been through five minutes before you encountered them. That person that always seems snippy or combative for no apparent reason may be may be suffering in a way you couldn't imagine.

In the words of Jesus:

....bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you

If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them.

Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

Luke : 6: 28, 32, 36

5.  Have your "unhappy dialogue" with God.

There's always an unhappy dialogue when I've dealt with someone rude.  In my weakest moments I snip back at that person or act more cool, dropping the warm smile.  My encounters with rudeness are also usually shared with those I am close to.  This is where, still fuming, I share what "I should have said back to that person".  There is no one who is more worth sharing your "unhappy dialogue" with, than Jesus.  He is the diffuser of anger.  Time with him allows me to refuel on love; the kind of love that's unaffected by the thing we call "feelings".

How do you deal with rudeness?

Or is there another behavior that drives you bonkers?

 

 

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To be a kid

Undaunted by failure

Not a slave to the clock

Footloose and fancy-free

 Mind fresh with imagination

To a kid

Dirty hands are a sign of a good time

 and " mess" has no meaning

Weeds don't exist and flowers are for picking

 Stray animals and drawings are worth saving

A kid believes

that green beans might be the worst thing out there

And cookies and hugs make everything better

 Kids live in a world where

Every day is cloudless, even the rainy ones

"Where troubles melt like lemon drops"

 Where beauty is experienced,

 and not just admired or envied

Forgiveness comes without thought

and love is the only four-letter word

  I think I want to be a kid when I grow up.

13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.    Psalm 139:13, 14

What is your favorite kid quality?

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Spoiler Alert: You see the words on movie reviews.  These words are cautionary.  Stop!  Don't read ahead unless you want the element of surprise ripped from your movie-watching experience.

These words don't scare me, rather they excite!

The spoiler alert usually provides me with needful information: Is the movie worth it?  If the main character dies in vain?......I'm not watching it.  If the star-crossed lovers don't get together in the end?......Why waste my time? I'm looking for the good ending.

There is something better than the element of surprise.

Anticipation!

I've watched Pride and Prejudice forty times (in fact I might watch it again today).  It doesn't bother me in the least that I know the last five minutes of the movie by heart:

Spoiler Alert:  Elizabeth is up, though it's barely dawn.  She's wrapped in a shawl, taking a walk (she's fond of walking).  It's clear now that her prejudice toward the wealthy and handsome Mr. Darcy was, in fact, wrong.  And she is uncomfortably aware of her feelings for him.  Mr. Darcy is also unable to sleep.  He hastens across the field to Elizabeth's side determined to declare his undying love once more.... This time his love is not refused.

 

Good endings make the painful parts bearable.

"This is my message to you:

Don't worry

 about a thing

cause every little thing

gonna be alright"...

(Apparently I know a Bob Marley song.  Oops. Oh well- seems appropriate)

Life is indeed a mystery.  There are twists and turns in which we find ourselves unprepared for.  In life we celebrate unexpected joys, and suffer miseries unimagined.  Life is more beautiful and worthwhile with the knowledge that its dips and climbs are commenced by an everlasting joy.

God's been good enough to give us a spoiler alert.  Dare to read ahead.

“Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’[b] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Revelation 21:3,4

We, in Christ, have an ending worth anticipating; pain-free and joy-full

 an un-ending, ending.

 

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To the tender-hearted; those who hurt deep for the broken , and to the mamas and dads who would move mountains for your children, and for the plain-old stubborn "fixers"....this is for you ( and me, REALLY me)

 

I sit here with a screw driver, a broken toy and my typical determination.  I will fix this.

The kids got gift cards for Christmas.  I took them shopping this past Saturday to spend them.  Rylie wanted a giant stuffed dog, but instead I talked her into a small remote-controlled princess carriage/boat.  The boat made one excursion in the bathtub before it ceased its moving.  Jason and I worked Sunday to get it going again.  We turned it off and on at least twelve times and checked the batteries. It was when Jason shook the small toy that he could hear that the inner parts of the toy were somehow disconnected.

Being the persistent girl that I am, I started in again this morning.  With screw driver in hand, I proceeded to take the tiny boat apart.  If I could get inside, surely I could connect the parts that had somehow become disassembled.  No such luck. The toy was built so that it couldn't be taken apart.  The toy sits in front of me as a symbol of frustration and disappointment.

  I want to fix it.

I will work until I fix it.

I won't rest until I fix it.

I will hurt until its fixed.

This is my approach to broken things and broken loved-ones.  

I haven't fixed the toy boat and yet this time, I've allowed it to remain in my sight unfixed.  In the stillness I hear a whisper......  You can't fix everything

Sometimes you're just not strong enough

My brokenness isn't about just me and you

You CAN'T fix me just right-there's something broken in a deep place that you can't reach

and by trying, you become worn out and defeated often forgetting THE fixer, the healer

Put down your tools.  Cease your working.  Rest in Him who heals.  Trust that He is at work in the broken, including you.

...not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of hosts

 Zechariah 4:6

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us,.... to Him be the glory

 Ephesians 3:20, 21b

All that is broken belongs to Jesus

 

 

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This is a  devotion/activity that would be a great activity for families or Sunday School too. 

Items needed:

Necco Conversation Hearts (Sweethearts)                 Activity Sheet

Bibles                                                                                  Pens or markers

Devotion below  

Conversation Hearts -Devotion

Have you ever tasted the chalky candies you get only around Valentine's Day; you know, the colored hearts that say things like "Luv Ya" or "You Rock" and "Be Mine"?  Sweethearts, or Conversation hearts have been around for years, like over a hundred years.

Some of the hearts from the earlier times  had sayings like  "Sweet Talk" and "Dig Me".

These candy messages go out of style, and so every year the candy makers print new messages.  In the past few years you might have seen the words

Dream

Honey Bun

Melt My Heart

Chill Out

Text Me

LOL

(Allow the children to read a few messages on the candy)

There are a few things the candy makers, Necco, keep in mind when writing on candy hearts.

 

*Nothing rude or distasteful should go on the candies

*Only a few words will fit on each candy (no more than 3)

 

Ok, let' s hear it.  What message in one, two or three words would you put on candy hearts if the candy company called you up and asked?

While it would be fun if you got a phone call from the candy-making headquarters putting you in charge of this year's messages, it matters little what the candy hearts say on them.  Why?  Because they're eaten right after you read their message; some of you might not even take the time to read them at all.

Human hearts aren't quite the same. What is written on our hearts is of great importance.  God tells us:

 Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.  Proverbs 3:3

 

Our hearts are like tablets

and YOU get to write words on your heart,......God told you to.

 Where would be the right place to find good words for your heart's tablet?  What are two good words mentioned in the verse above? (read verse again)

1. Love

2. Faithfulness

Remember that God's word, the Bible, is the best place to find words to be written on your heart.  But don't forget, others write on our hearts too; sometimes beautiful words and other times words that hurt.  Surround yourself with people who write good words on your heart.  There are adults all around you dying to write messages of love on your hearts.  There's plenty of room; let them.

 

Activity:

Take a piece of printer paper. Fold a piece of paper long-ways and write candy heart messages on one side and God's messages on the other side. I found these Conversation Heart stickers in the Target Dollar Section (love that place).  For a dollar, you get more than a hundred stickers.  These brightened up the page and made it easier for the younger ones who are still slow writers.

1.On the left side write a few of the messages found on Necco candy hearts .

2. On the right side, write in a few one or two-word messages that God would have you write on your heart. Ex. "Grace"  "Pray 4 Others"

Here are a few verses if you need help:

But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you,  Psalm 130:4

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control....Galatians 5:22, 23b

Now use your bible and find a few others.

After the activity:

Discuss in group

We know we can't reach in with a pen or marker and write on our actual heart.  What does it mean to write God's commandments and words on our hearts? (wait for answer)

 Did you also notice that Proverbs 3:3 and other verses tell us to bind God's words (commandments) around our necks.  When we put something, like a necklace, around our neck, it goes with us wherever we go.  God wants us to carry His words with us.  He wants His words and His message to be in our hearts and to be shown to others.

Which messages don't go out of style, candy hearts or God's messages?

How can having these messages (or words) written on your heart change

the way you talk to others?

the way you treat others?

the way you live?

Close in prayer.
 
Let's Stay Connected


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We make mistakes; some are big ones- the kind that stop you in your tracks.  Parenting missteps are unavoidable.  There is no perfect parenting.  The success of parenting, I'm learning (painfully slow I might add), is more about our response to our parenting missteps.

My missteps range from not providing clean matching socks to allowing my children unnecessary exposure to the ungodly to downright being a fire-breathing dragon. The mistakes are varied and great in number, but my response is typically one of the following.

1. Groan in guilt  I focus on how I've messed up "this time", but I also replay each and every past parenting failure over and over....and over.

2. Dissolve into despair  I consider how I might just have ruined the forever happiness of my children.  I lament at how I've led them on a path leading to anything but a bright or right future.

3. Ignore... Some of my mistakes seem too hard to fix.  They're too daunting to even think about.........  So I don't.

4.* Fix one misstep with another I can't count the dollars and time spent trying to pay for my mistakes.  An apology given or an ice cream date as an offering to my mess-up is fine.   However it's not a fix on its own; especially if it's accompanied by #1, #2 or #3.

These are unhealthy responses rather than a course of action.  By only wallowing in guilt and despair, by remaining in purposed oblivion, NOTHING WILL CHANGE.  It's as if I'm staying right where I've fallen.  My smart husband and I recently gave myself a pep talk.  I was reminded that the greatest guiding force in my parenting will be prayer.  Three other things I'm determined to remember?

Wallowing is doing nothing.

It's not too late to do what I can do today.

It's too early to worry about tomorrow.

Parent shoes are big shoes to fill.  Thankfully we have a God that fills the spaces and forgives our falls.

What is your default response to a misstep?

kristiburden@gmail.com

 

 

 

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Silence.  It's ironic to talk about it.  But I will.

It may come as no surprise that I like to talk.

I remember a grueling silence my first year of teaching.  I had witnessed a situation involving a fellow teacher and an administrator's son. In question was a refused bird house entry into a contest. I was the key witness in the matter.

The principal sat with his fist neatly folded as he looked at me from the other side of his desk stone-faced.  I told what I had observed.  As I finished, he stared, wordless.  My mind quickly raced.  (Was I leaving out any important information? Was he wanting my opinion?) He continued his gaze while I squirmed in the nothingness.  And then I did what any normal person would do.  I started relaying the same account; again.

He cut me off about twenty seconds into my replay,  "You don't have to talk.  I heard you the first time".

No words have caught me quite off-guard like those words.  It's fourteen years later and I remember that conversation (if that's what you call it).  Of course it hasn't stopped me from telling and retelling even life's mundane events; sharing my thoughts on things earth shattering to the trivial.  My Dad has said my mom and I take longer to tell things than the actual event.

I talk too much when I'm nervous.

And I talk too much when I'm perfectly comfortable.

Because of my incessant talking, I listen too little.

Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him. -Proverbs 29:20  Youch!!! (exclamation and emphasis mine)

A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.  -Proverbs 18:2

My prayer?  I don't exactly know;  I'm trying to say less. I simply know that anything God has to say, holds more value than my babbling and even my most thought-out words.  I want to learn to be silent.  And in the silence I want to hear.

I can't get out of my mind a time when I let silence speak.  A young woman I had never met, lost her four-year old son in a drowning accident.  He was in Hallie's Pre-K class.  Jason did the funeral.  I had rehearsed, as I often do, what I would say to her given the chance.  Those attending, exited by the casket to give their condolences to the grief-stricken woman. I knew that I had nothing to say though my heart ached for her.  So I simply grabbed her hand and held it for what seemed like eternity. It was one of the most powerful moments of my life.  In the silence God spoke for me.  He spoke to me.  That moment speaks to me still.

When have you been spoken to in the silence?

 

 

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I decided to clean out my closet today.  Bad idea.  Before I knew it, my house blinders were off. And I was on a cleaning rampage.

/ If you don't know what house blinders are, they're the lens of choice for the months I don't have time to deep clean./

  When I wear them I can't see the dust on the baseboards or the ceiling fan, or any dust in-between for that matter.  I'm blind to the laundry basket full of unmatched socks, pillow cases without place and the pair of shorts Hayden's been looking for.

I'm perfectly content with the house when I'm wearing those blinders; and with the people in it.  But let me tell you, when the blinders come off it gets ugly.  I turn into a raving lunatic calling the place a pigsty.  I wonder out(very) loud how the house got in such a condition.

I start using phrases like "Is there nobody in this house who can throw an empty toilet paper tube in the trash?".  Every other word is "Really?".  The kids hide in their rooms at which point I comment on how I'm the only one "who ever does anything around this house".

I know......I am honestly ashamed and wouldn't be bringing it up except for the fact that there was something lovely surrounding my haggard behavior.

It was my family.

Like my disheveled closet I was a mess that couldn't be ignored.  So they suffered my tantrum and they helped me clean.  And then they did something I need to do more often.

They put THEIR blinders back on.  They looked at me as if I hadn't sprouted horns just moments before.  They hugged me without reservation. They hadn't forgotten my ill behavior, but they decided to see me through love lenses.

I think that's what grace is.

My cupcake runnneth over.

There's nothing sweeter.

 

 

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I'm going Christmas shopping tomorrow with someone who hates shopping.  I don't enjoy it much myself either. I'm related to some Marathon Shoppers, but I'm more like my dad who prefers sitting on the bench at Wal-Mart.

 It's too much pressure.  Either I'm locked in to the list searching for specific items that can't be found or I'm wandering aimlessly; Jason dragging his feet behind me.  Honestly, I consider myself lucky that he agrees to go with me- I'm no loner.

Seems reading my Bible I found some words procrastinating, problematic shoppers like myself might find helpful.

I'm holding these words hostage in my heart as a pre-prayer for tomorrow's trip.

The LORD your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands.

(Please let there be matrimonial harmony.  And please let their be pleasant people and short lines at the cashier,....... or patience)

He has watched over your journey through this vast desert.  (These forty years) the LORD your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything.

 Deuteronomy 2:7

(Hoping for a not lacking anything/done at the end of the day list)

With words of assurance and my shopping buddy, I'm ready for the adventure.

This trip is in the bag.

 

 

 

 

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Happy places

  I’m no world traveler, but I’ve seen the savannah.  It’s there that I saw lion cub siblings make their way across a river bed.

In Kenya I also linked hands and sang and danced and laughed with a host of beautiful orphans, more like angels.

My happy experiences are too many to count, like Granny’s sugar and butter bread or trips in the camper with Meme, Grandad and the cousins.

Who could forget twirling about in the living room as a child to the Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas record in the light of the Christmas tree with presents underneath bearing my name?

Thirty weeks of summers I’ve spent nestled in the Colorado mountains with campfires, smores and family.

Happy places

New Years Eve on my thirtieth birthday was spent right smack dab in the middle of New York City-snow ,  FAO Schwartz, Broadway, bright city lights and all.

With my family, I’ve watched in sheer delight as Tinkerbell took flight from the tip of the Magic Kingdom castle.

Boat time, birthdays and baptisms

 

Memories of happy places

I’ve stood before friends and family in the perfect dress saying “I do”; a most assured statement I still make.

Three times I’ve been handed a tiny bundle of joy; each time astounded that something so small can weigh so heavy.

They’re still my happy places.

Happy places CAN be created.

 Still there’s a happy place that can’t be sought out using latitude and longitude degrees or GPS.  It can’t be found, in once or thrice in a lifetime events.

 JOY

It bubbles outward through hard hugs and songs sung in the car.  Joy expresses itself through pizza parties and awe-inspiring sunrises in Kenya and your backyard.  It’s shows itself through pictures on refrigerators and high fives.

But its origin is from within

   JOY is anchored in our soul, unmoved by rippling circumstances.  It’s not carried away or made dim by the passing of time or the setting of the sun. Joy is the best happy place.  It is delight, yes in those things that can be captured with a lens and a flash, but it lives in our deepest part.  Through failures and losses, loneliness and faded memories, joy stays.  Created and manifested by the eternal one, joy is indestructible and unlimited.  It’s yours and mine to have and to share

Joy is in Jesus  

 Jesus is Joy

What are some of your happy places?